Falling for my brothers BestFriend ; sequel

Chapter 2

I need to try act normal but I can't , I just can't and I don't know how I ever will , it's been a month now and I don't wanna but maybe if I make an effort and try to go out maybe it might make me feel more me ? Abit more better ? I need to try something, it's been a month and I'm still so bad so maybe now needs to be the time things start to change ? I can never be me, Never the same , without Brooklyn but I need to start making a difference, No matter how much it will physically and emotionally drain me , I can't let this depression and anxiety take full control over me .
I am Amelia Cantwell ,bitch , what am I doing , no Matter how long it takes me , I will bounce back and for now , I'll use all the strength I have to attest try , pick yourself up, , your tiaras falling , you won't be like this forever .
It's just not as easy as it seems and it's crazy how bad it can get you . But I have to try , that's all I can do , I guess .

BestFriendErin- I miss you 😩
Me- I miss you too 😕
BestFriendErin- come over I need to see you 🤷‍♀️
Me- I can't do that , not yet , I know I'm trying but that's too quick , I'm not strong enough for that 😓
BestFriendErin- I understand babe, I gotcha , see u soon gorgeous ☺️

I guess I need to get ready since she's coming right ? Remember , I need to try make an effort , I don't want to but I got to . Even seeing people is an effort for me , especially the people who are closest to him .

I get up from my bed and put the shower on , while that's heating up I brush my teeth before putting my playlist on and hopping in the shower , letting the hot water run down my numb body , I hate this , I'm just broken all over , this dosent feel like me anymore and I can't cope for much longer .
My zombie like body stands there , allowing the hot water run slowly down me , steam surrounding me.
Howay girl get yourself together . You can do this .
I start humming along to the songs as I begin to wash my body .

And that's when the song started , the guitar played and it knocked me back down again .

"There are so many things I could re- live, I'd go back to the day that we first kissed
"I confess that red dress I reminisce"
- that dress , my red dress , automatically , that made me think of that night , in the hotel , the one I could ever forget .
"I love the sound of my name upon your lips , until we grow old " - I used to, every time I hear his name it sinks my heart yet I still get that crazy feeling in my stomach , just like that. I can't even say his name no more .
"You might be so far away , for my heart I know you'll wait " - I hope he waits , true love has a Habit of coming back , right ?
"I wasn't worried , because I knew you were mine , I wasn't worried because I knew this was right . "
He was mine .

Tears slowly fall from my face as I stop doing what I was doing . I quickly wipe them before whispering to myself " god boys , why ?" With a small weak smile before rinsing my body and getting out , turning my music off .

I brush my hair and put it into a cute messy bun before putting some comfy leggings and a big jumper on and then I jump back under my covers .
I can't do this no more , laying in bed staring at my wall , the Polaroid's of me and him dotted around , I love them but I hate them .

I stand up and begin pulling them down, fighting my tears , it all gets too much before I begin pulling them down along with the fairy lights around them , hysterically crying , I hate this , I'm not me, depression is a crazy thing .

"Hey, shhhh" someone's voice comes from behind me , it's a man , it's not my dad or Harvey and as much as I wish it was Brooklyn , I can tell his voice from a mile off . Do I want it to be Brooklyn tho ? Would it make me
Better or worse ? I need to switch off from him remember .
Rye .
He grabs me by the waist tightly, from behind and holds my arms , restraining them, stopping me and calming me down before I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck , hugging him and him squeezing me tighter . He moves me to the side abit , holding onto me before stroking my hair , "shhh, come on , Calm down " he soothes me . "I-I'm s-so sorry" I sob
"Hey it's okay , what for ?" He questions
"You seeing me like this , I'm sorry for being such a mess , I just hate myself everything's terrible , it's all my fault , I feel so bad on you too " I try calm Down my breathing , talking slowly , while still crying .

I'm enjoying this but should I be ?
All I know is that I'm not enjoying it compared to how I would enjoy being in my baby's arms
'My baby'
I think it's just being in ryes arms like because he's supporting me and it feels amazing to be in a mans arms like that , I don't know okay . And to think he's been going through a lot also , everything's messed up at the minute with ryes head , I don't know , it's just nice because we used to be so close, so close out of me and the rest of them , and it just changed lately , so it's sort of put me at peace when it comes to that , but nothing can stop me from feeling the way I'm feeling , no one compares to Brooklyn ; ever .