Fears To Face

∞ Chapter 16 ∞

~ Kayley ~

I parked my car with a sigh. A sigh that held every emotion that had been running through my veins all afternoon. It had been easy, light, nerve-breaking, sad, a bit awkward, sweet, fun, and very, very good. A satisfied sigh that was glad on how things had worked out today, and a sad sigh, for being back in reality, our home with my wolf-mom smelling every small hint of wolf on me. Where it was necessary to run up the stairs like an idiot, hoping she wouldn’t notice something before I had washed his amazing smell off me.

I sniffed. Ugh. I smelled like sweat. Maybe that would cover up the wolf-scent enough to get me upstairs in time. I got out and walked over to the door. As soon as I opened it, I dumped the bag that had never left the car this afternoon in the hallway, and called, “Hi, I’m home! Smelling awful, I have been running with Gwyn, taking a shower before you guys faint!” I ran up the stairs and locked myself in the bathroom.

What a day. I had gone to him as a friend, feeling more, but resisting it. Now I felt completely different. Somewhere during the conversation with Ava, I had decided Sam was right. Why push my feelings away when I thought Rayne deserved to be with someone and I liked him and he liked me? He found the treatment to delay the effects of the wolf, he had been alone since his first turn, and above all; he was sweet, funny, caring, modest, sexy, good-looking  – Okay, I’m getting carried away, I’ll stop.

Maybe I had also given in to my feelings because I had seen a different version of him; his vulnerable posture when he was so nervous he trembled slightly without his own knowledge, the innocent face he wore when he slept, the astonished but mostly blissful look on his face when I had kissed him. Maybe I’d given in because I just was tired of fighting them.

I had kissed him.

And it had felt so good. Finally, finally I’d just given in and did what I had wanted to do since that moment in the tree; taste his lips. I smiled. Once I let him in, truly let my feelings for him stray from my heart into my brain, believing it, wanting it to be true, I realized how much he already meant to me. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this strongly about someone in such a short time, but there was no denying it. From that moment on, I had loved to be close to him, comfort him, make him happy. I couldn’t get enough of him. And when his lips were melted with mine, his full soft lips pressing gently on my skin, I felt like I could scream from happiness.

A whole new world had opened up for me. When I looked at him now, I saw the graceful features in his strong hands, the strong lines in his face and jaw, the little shyness in his eyes when I came close to him or when I said something that startled him and how his eyes shone when I showed I liked him. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. Since when didn’t it matter to me what he was anymore? Could I accept what he was now?

Yes, I realized. Because although that part of him gave me the chills, it wasn’t strong enough to fight the feelings I had for him. My wanting to be with him and make him happy was way more powerful than that tiny part of me that feared the wolf that was hidden in him. Although I wondered whether that would chance when the turn was coming closer.

When I was sure I didn’t smell like wolf anymore I turned off the shower, got dressed and hopped down the stairs whistling softly. They were all siting on the kitchen table. I checked the time; it was five o’clock. I had taken a shower for almost an hour? Oops.

They were looking at me as I took my seat. “I’m sorry I took so long,” I said when they didn’t stop gazing at me.

“You look different,” commented my mother. I shrugged. I knew the problem was impossible to shove forward forever, but I could at least try. Then a smile appeared on her face. “You and Mallory are good again, aren’t you?” she clapped her hands together in delight.