Buses & Bunk Beds (Zarry)

Chapter 39

Waking up to feel that the space next to me was empty, to realize that the sheets were cold, was the worst feeling in the world. I reached for Harry before I even opened my eyes, needing to confirm that our encounter hadn't been a dream, and when I discovered that he wasn't there I felt like my bones were dissolving, one by one, until I was a puddle of nothingness.

I looked around the dark room and I had never felt more empty or alone in my life. It was as if I could feel the walls closing in on me, and I had a premonition of my future: a future spent waiting for Harry, taking any scraps he would give me no matter what it cost me. The vision terrified me, and it caused me to spring into action.

I needed to kiss a stranger, I needed to punch a wall, I needed to make myself feel anything other than what I was feeling right now. I needed to get the fuck out of this room.

I dressed quickly, not bothering to grab my phone. I knew that I would be in deep shit for leaving the hotel this late at night without a bodyguard, but I couldn't care less. Maybe I wanted to be trampled to death by a mob of fans. That would surely be preferable to knowing that Harry didn't give a shit about me.

As soon as I walked out of the hotel I heard the sounds of the nearby ocean. I'd always been scared of the sea, but maybe that was what I needed. I needed to feel anything other than the hurt that'd been coursing through me since I'd woken up, hell since Harry had dumped me, and I knew that fear could mute all my other emotions.

The moon was non-existent, and after walking down the beach towards the water I was eclipsed in darkness. The hotel was directly behind me, but its lights were hidden by the dunes, and as I looked out over the vast expanse of water it was easy to pretend that I was the only person on earth.

I kicked off my trainers and dipped my toes into the water. I hadn't been in the water since the WMYB shoot, and the Atlantic wasn't nearly as cold as the Pacific had been. The relative warmth lured me into a false sense of security, and for the first time since I was a little boy I ventured out far enough to feel the water against my stomach. 

The tide was far stronger than I'd expected, and that, combined with the pitch blackness that surrounded me, made it hard to judge the timing of the waves. They came at me again and again, varying in size and strength, and I was soon knocked off my feet. I managed to keep my head above water for only a moment, the waves hitting me over and over and not allowing me to stand. As soon as I would get my feet under me another wave would hit and send me rolling, until I couldn't tell which way was up and which way was down.

I'd just managed to get to my feet when a huge wave hit me from behind, forcing me down. My wet clothes seemed impossibly heavy and I couldn't catch my breath. The sand and rocks were rough against my skin, and salt water filled my lungs. I struggled to reach the surface, realizing that all my fears about the ocean, about its strength and the unknown creatures that could live in its depths, had been right. But still, in the back of my mind, I rejoiced in the fact that it was Mother Nature and not Harry that was finally killing me.

Just as the pressure in my ears and lungs became too much I felt strong hands pulling me out of the water by my collar. My first thought was the same one that I had every time I awoke from a bad dream: Harry. Harry was here to save me from this nightmare.

My hero dragged me, slowly but surely, out of the water, and my lungs felt like they were on fire. My eyes were burning from the salt water, and I swiped at them blindly as I struggled to speak.

"Harry, you came. You saved me."

"Sshh Zayn, it's me, it's Perrie. You're okay now; I've got you."

I'd been expecting Harry's low rumble, so the sound of Perrie's high pitched voice snapped me out of my oxygen deprived stupor.

"Perrie? I thought you were...what're you doing here?"