If Only I Was A Little Braver | Park Jimin

제 31 장

"before I give my heart away."

...

"hey! I was trying to be nice." the brunette pushed her bottom lip out, look all adorable that jimin wanted to pinch her red cheeks so badly.

instead, he let out a small laugh that made him cover his mouth and drop his head as his vision was blurred due to his eyesmile.

then they went silent again.

"I'm sorry."

they both said it in unison.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

both of the same words in a different context.

cliché.

jae smiled to a certain no one before breathing heavily once.

"honestly, you should be sorry." she eyed jimin.

"you threw my homemade cake on the floor. is the floor starving or something? so nice of you." she scoffed, rolling her eyes jokingly.

she made it.

jimin found his eyes brimming with tears again. like it wasn't enough at all.

"my mother." he said, voice coming out like a whisper, his mother sounded vulnerable in jae's ears.

jae looked at him, quiet.

"she died on my tenth birthday. everything was perfect. the place was perfect. the people there were perfect. the timing was perfect. maybe that is why nothing is ever perfect. maybe that is why she got killed there and then. in front of me." his voice got lower and lower.

anger and sadness together as he clenched his fists.

jae slid her hand into his as she intertwined their fingers, not speaking a word as she let him hold it tight like his dear life depended on it.

"she baked the cake herself. a chocolate cake." he smiled, then forcing the tears out as his eyes closed from the smile.

jae let out a small gasp to herself, soft enough for just herself to hear, "jimin I'm so sorry I didn't mean to trigger your memories i-"

jimin placed a finger on her lips, "hey chill, it's okay."

then he looked in front, now holding jae's hand not so tightly.

"you know, I was ten. I was young and everything. then my mother got shot more than twice, maybe thrice, right in front of me. on my birthday. that was probably the day my life turned into a whole laughing stock. no one else cared for me or loved me. not my friends in school since I never had them, not my father. I was all by myself." he sighed, then rubbing circles on her hand using his thumb as a way to calm himself down.

tears once again rolled down.

"jimin..." jae looked at him.

I want to help him but only he can help himself.

"but that's fine. because now I have my hyungs, I have taehyung and jungkook, I have sohye, and I have you. that's all I need." he smiled warmly this time, facing her.

she felt touched, but afraid for him.

"you still need one more thing." she held onto his other hand, then leaning in to kiss his forehead.

when she pulled away, she stared into his eyes and gave him the best smile she could muster at the moment.

"yourself. jimin, you need yourself." she tried to make it seem simple, but she knew it was hard.

she couldn't even do that. but she wanted him to.

this boy had suffered enough.

she cupped his cheeks, leaving him in surprise, then forcing him to look at her.

"love yourself. don't let what others do affect you. don't be blinded by what's happening in the present. and forget that you are important." jae firmly said.

he opened his mouth, but jae glared at him, "listen first."

he laughed, then nodding slowly.

"listen park, you are important. so fucking important that you mean so much to me and everyone else. we need you. you need yourself too. so don't ever, don't ever fucking think that you're not worth it. because to me, you're worth everything, including my life. understood?" jae frowned, looking into his eyes.

for a moment, he swore he could feel his heart warm up for the first time in his whole life as he listened to jae's every word. including her curses.

he was touched. so touched that he felt himself suddenly being so light. so light as a feather. so happy.

that a smile that stretched throughout his face and that his eyes were so fully closed.

he was trying to look at jae, memorize her every feature that mesmerised him.

I can't believe she's actually mine.

"I don't deserve you." he let out, still grinning like a cheshire cat.

"who said you did?" she smiled, then laughing.

they broke into giggles before jae tried to put up her serious face again, biting her lips to stop herself from smiling too hard.

"yah, answer me. do you understand what I just said?" she acted as if she was pissed as she furrowed her eyebrows deeply.

he chuckled at her cuteness as he used his thumb to push his brows upwards, letting the frown go off.

"yes madam!" he saluted at her afterwards, then laughing again.

he laughed so hard that he was basically using jae as support to not fall onto the ground as he covered his face.

maybe it was that contagious laughter that made jae laugh too.

at that moment, the only thing both could see was each other. more than being over the moon.

jimin had never felt so relieved.

jae had never felt like her cheekbones were so painful from laughing after so long.

maybe this was happiness.

it happens at the most unexpected times. at times where people are just doing normal things. talking deeply.

then they make eye contact, and they smile to each other.

they know they are the source of happiness for each other.

and they are happy about that as well.

joy was everywhere in this simple place.

simplicity was at it's finest. no romantic dinners, romantic lights.

just the both of them.

and that was enough to call it their most beautiful moment in life.