Don't You? (Drarry)

Chapter 36

Draco was outside smoking a cigarette, he'd just gotten the call. Luke's boyfriend Michael passed away and he would no longer be attending groups. Harry walked out a minute or so later, way too quietly for Draco to throw the cigarette down. "You're fucking kidding me right? What are you hoping to get lung cancer?" Draco sighed softly as Harry wrapped the blanket he brought out around the blonde angrily. He shook his head looking down. "You need a blanket more than I do." Harry scoffed taking the cigarette from him taking a puff. Draco's eyes widened and Harry put a hand up to keep him quiet. "I've already got brain cancer, I doubt it'll get much worse than that. Besides at least with lung cancer I'll know how it happend right?" Draco realized Harry sounded really frustrated. He watched the raven haired boy take another drawn out hit. He'd never heard Harry sound so upset towards his illness.

"It isn't hereditary as far as I know, was it something I did? Maybe I was supposed to die young. Maybe I messed with fate and was supposed to stay dead in the woods. Who knows I could've just been a bomb ready to go off from the start. Could be something to do with the Dursley's. Honestly I've got no fucking clue why or how." He took another drag, which surprised Draco. He'd nearly puked when he smoked his first cigarette with Luke. He hadn't the slightest idea of how to respond to Harry. He'd never seen him angry about his illness, he was always so worried about everyone else. "Maybe it's just life screwing you over again." Harry laughed, but Draco could hear the sarcasm towards his statement. Harry leaned against the house looking at him. "Yeah, it's probably just life having one last laugh at me."

Draco sighed softly lighting another cigarette and handing one to Harry, who had threw his on the ground at some point. Harry lit it taking a long hit. Draco did the same watching him. "When did you start? Smoking I mean." Harry looked at him almost amused. "After the war, it made it easier to deal with the stress. You started more recently." Harry said leaving no room for question. Draco looked at him with a guilty face. However Harry shrugged slightly. "You think I didn't know already?" Now the Slytherin looked completely confused. Harry gave him a bitchface. "I couldn't accuse you of it from just the smell, but it's not like you do it at convenient times for me to catch you. This is the first opportunity I've had, why is that?" Draco sighed puffing on his cigarette looking down.

"Luke from group, his boyfriend died last night. It was Leukemia. Guess he's switching to grief counseling or some other support group. It makes sense doesn't it? Just switch from one group to the other." Harry looked guilty now, he could tell it made Draco think about him making the same switch. Harry threw his cigarette down pulling Draco close wrapping his arms around the blonde's waist. Draco threw his down as well kissing the raven's head gently. "We should get you inside." Harry shook his head stubbornly hugging him tighter. Draco sighed hugging the Gryffindor back. "How am I supposed to live without you?" Draco didn't mean to say it out loud. He didn't even realize he had until Harry had responded. "You have to. I don't want you to stop living, please don't. I saw how your mother was Draco, and I know you feel so much more than she does. You can't shut everyone out. You've lived without me once, you can get back to that."

Draco decided since this had already turned into such an intense conversation he may as well ask the question he's had for months. "How would let go of me?" Harry hadn't expected it at all. He sighed looking away thinking about it for a while. "Well the ideal way would be pack everything away and act like we never happened in the first place, but the truth is. I don't think I could let you go completely. I'd still end up wearing your shirt to bed because it smelled like you, I'd keep our pictures, and the flowers you gave me our first date. My mind would still jump to you when asked if I was single. I'd probably lose it, and it's not fair to say that. Then again you'd tell me to move on if it was you instead just like I am."

Harry and Draco had spent most of the day in their bed, not speaking much just laying next to each other. "What are you going to miss the most?" Draco was curious about how Harry had truly felt about dying and decided today was as close as he was going to get to accepting enough to ask. "I can't narrow it down to one thing. I've thought about it a lot. I'm going to miss your damn smile, I'll miss Snape's comments about being a clumsy git, I'll miss Molly yelling at the twins, I'll miss Ginny yelling when she gets upset, I'm going to miss Hermione ranting about Ron being a complete fool, but maybe most of all I'll miss waking up to you. Messy hair and your raspy voice. You always look so done with everything even though all you did was wake up. I want you to move on, but I'm already jealous of the guy that gets to spend years with it. I don't really mind, just as long as he doesn't take it for granted. As long as he knows how fucking lucky he is to see Draco Malfoy first thing in the morning when he hates everything. I hope he wakes up just before you and realizes just how much mornings can become his favorite thing. I don't want you to find someone else just because, I want you to find someone else because it'd be a shame to be the only guy to know what it's like to be loved by you. Especially when it's everything a guy could ever want."

Draco wasn't sure what to say for the most part. Harry could tell that much from the way the blonde had taken to looking at anything but Harry. The Slytherin wasn't sure he could say anything comforting towards it. Yet he decided to try anyway. "I don't see myself being able to love someone the way I love you. I know I have years upon years left, but who am I supposed to spend them with if it's not you? Why do you care if I move on so much anyway?" Harry let out a soft breath tracing Draco's mark. He stayed there quietly for a few seconds. "I care, because I don't want you to spend the rest of your life longing for me and not being able to do a damn thing about it," he paused for a few seconds after that and then continued on, "You'll find someone eventually, they'll be a lot like me or maybe they'll be everything that I'm not. They won't love you more than I do, but maybe they'll love you the same." Draco looked at the Gryffindor. "What if I don't want them to?" Harry kissed his head gently with a small smile. "What if you do?"