LOVED OR NOT.

PART 33

JAY P.O.V

I looked at my stomach and said," Dr. Whale didn't say anything. What do you want?"

"I am hoping for a girl but I'll love it no matter what you are having?" Sharna said.

I said," I'm hoping for a boy but whatever it is I will love them. I wasn't to thank you for giving my brother that necklace. Do you have another for Emma?"

Sharna said," Yes, when do you want to it to her and to the others?"

I totally for got about the others and I said," Crap, who are the others? I forgot who else is going to get one? How many people is on that list?"

Sharna said," Snow, David, Emma, Regina, and Henry. Jay, how is your arm?"

I rubbed my arm and said," My arm is good. How will this help me? Why do I have to talk to Blu. " I felt like I can be more myself here and why. I don't know why.

Sharna said," You need to talk t someone beside me. Look Jay, I love you but you must come to reality  I am going to die. You need to actually open up to someone. Jay, I would like you to talk to Blu first alright."  I was quit for awhile.

I said, "You might be right. I'll try to talk to her, but no grantees. I want to give  the rest of them tomorrow.  Kelly and Jax should go back home with your once you die. Now where do you want to be buried? If you want to be buried back home that's  fine with me."

Sharna looked shocked that I said anything and she said," I would like to be buried with my family and I am so sorry that I want my family to visit me. If you want to stay I could tell my parents to cremate me and you can have some of the ashes. Sounds good to you?"

I said," Thanks. I will be alright with that. If that is what you want."

Sharna said," Yes, that's what I want and I want to be with you and my family. I love you guys. I want to be with you and baby. I want to be with my family to. Thank you for giving me the choice."

I said to her," I will always give you the choice. I will never force you to do something that you don't want to."  We got to Blu's  house. Sharna went up to the door and knocked on the door.  I didn't want to go but I promise Sharna. 

Blu answer the door and said," Hello Sharna and Jay. How are you too? Why don't you guys come in." We both walked inside. 

Sharna said," I'm doing fine. I am just here to make sure that Jay made it here.  Snow and David wanted to make sure that Jay made here on time. We didn't know if Jay would  come on her own. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Sharna kissed me on the check. 

I said," I'll see you later. Good night hon. Good dreams. Love you so much. Don't forget the present for them. I'll talk to Regina and Emma later."

Blu said while pointing to a room behind her, "Let's start our session. Jay, how is everything with the new things in your life? Please be honesty with me."

I said," Honesty Blu, I am down right scared and mad. I am mad at everything right now."

Blu said " Why do you think you feel like this? Jay, could you be mad at Snow and David?"

I said, " Yes, they are part of it. The part I'm most mad at is that the woman I love is going to be gone forever. The other part is that now I have to face the fact that I was raped and becoming a mother for that raped. That is why I'm mad. "

Blu said," If that is why you are mad than why are you scared?"

I said, " I am scared of my mind and this baby. I don't know if I could be the mom everyone want me to be."

Blu said," We never know who we will become but at least we can try to be who we want to be. I want you to be you.  Jay, you need to know that no matter how hard things get you can come to me if you need anything at all." Blu look at a clock and said," Jay, I'll see you tomorrow at 4pm. I do want you think about why do have any bad feels to Kelly, Sharna and Jax. Alright, good night Jay."

I left and meet up with Snow outside of Blu's office. Snow said with a smile like she always does," Hi Jay, How was the meeting? Are you ready to go home?"

I looked back at Blu and said," Yea, I am ready to go home. I am also thirsty. Can we go home?" We left and walked home it took us about 10 minutes to get home. When we got home I went to my bed and slept.