The pain grows more and more each passing day. Wrath's voice becoming a booming thunder. I can't tell my thoughts from her's anymore. Did I ever have my own thoughts? Were they ever really mine?
Pushing me. Taunting me. Don't let her out. She'll tear me down in a heartbeat. The need to scream growing deeper within me.
Cal and Emily are downstairs. The television volume is low but loud enough to tell me they are watching it. I close the bathroom door and lock it. Wrath speaking words I do not wish to hear. Stop it! Please stop!
A feeling I don't understand rising. Tears with no end streaming down my face. My body trembling. I open the cabinet and pull you out. My only friend left. You hold my secret. The razor I keep hidden inside your envelop falling gently into my hand. I run my finger along it's edge careful not to cut my finger.
I pull my shorts up high so I can hide the scars afterwards. Everything building inside me. I have to let it out. I have to let the pressure out. I have to make it go away.
The blood oozing out. The red liquid warm against my skin. A small feeling of relief release coming over me, but I don't stop. I can't stop. It's still there. It isn't enough.
I continue. Little scars that will heal over time covering my legs. The feeling leaving me. Calm and release replacing it. Now I can stop.
I grab the towel off the rack and wipe my legs off. I wipe off my razor and slide it back into your envelop, the only safe place I can hide it.
A knock on the door startles me.
"Momma," Angel calls. I quickly wipe the remaining evidence.
"What baby?" I ask wiping my tears from my eyes. I can't let her see me like this. I have to put on my face and be strong for her. Get it together Lexi. Get your shit together. Clean yourself up and take care of that little girl. That little girl that has no one but you.
"I had a nightmare," she sobs.
"Hang on baby, I'm coming." Chase her monsters away. Hers always comes first. I love her more than anything. My little Angel.
I put you back under the tub in the cabinet along with the bloody towel. I unlock the door and open it. My little Angel crying in the doorway. I swoop her up in my arms and sing her "Carry on my wayward son." She clings to me. Holding on to my shirt with both of her hands.
I carry her to bed. Her small body crawling under the purple silk sheets. She scoots over and I crawl into bed with her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. My Angel. My little gift from God.
She closes her eyes and curls up closer to me, but I don't close mine. I know that if I do, I'll drift into dream that will fill me with sadness or another nightmare.
YOU ARE READING
Ring of Fire (Completed) Book 1 Vanelzing Series
General FictionAlexis McCulluman didn't know what to expect when the Vanelzing's moved in. She thought they would be just another family in her small little town. Little did she know her life was about to be turned upside down. Follow Alexis as she journeys on a r...
