My Scream Into the Void

If You Really Want to Know

If you really want to know what got me so upset last night,
I'll tell you.
You wanted me to share my insecurities with you, so I risked it. I opened up.
The first one you dealt with well. You said mostly the right things, and I knew your intentions were sweet, so when you stumbled over your explanation it didn't bother me.
The next one though was more difficult for me to share. I told you about my self consciousness about my weight.
You started out fine, but then you said the worst thing.
You innocently and without mean intentions, told me I could lose weight. Told me I could go to the gym.
Not that that would have been easy to hear at any point for me, but babe, you could not have picked a worse time to say it.
Your timing was as bad as when my dad wanted to give me tips on not having anxiety while I'm having anxiety.
You do not poke at someone's insecurities while they are entrusting you with that knowledge, no matter how kind you are trying to be.
And then you wondered why I was upset.
Most of my self-esteem issues revolve around my body, my beauty, my hygiene, whatever. And any comments about the above generally hurt me more than anything else.
No, I don't like it when you say I have a big nose.
No, I don't like it when you point out my acne.
No, I don't like it when you say I could lose a few pounds.
It doesn't matter how nicely you phrase it, or how you aren't trying to be judgy.
There's a time and a place, and while you almost always pick them right, this time you butchered it.