Loved // j.g

Regret

Hanna's POV

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I woke up because something was missing , something didn't feel right i lazily rubbed my eyes and opened them , it took me a moment to realize where I was , I was in my room. I looked down at my body and I was sitting wearing a dress ... and everything came back rushing to my memory. It was still dark outside . I looked over to my phone it read "4:02am". My body was all sweaty and gross I got up and took a quick shower changing into some pj shorts and a lose t - shirt.

Last night came to my mind , every single detail.

((FlashBack from last night))

Jack told me to go outside and get some fresh air and meet him upstairs. I walked outside and after a couple of minutes I started heading upstairs. I went into the bathroom to fix myself in the mirror , my makeup was perfectly fine , I reapplied some lipstick , fixed my hair and left the bathroom as I was about to enter the room I heard a familiar voice. The voice I thought I'd never hear again , my heart dropped at first I thought it was just my ears twitching or something but then I heard it again "hanna" he said. I turned around to see no one else but Jake standing infront of me. My body couldn't function the first love of my life was standing infront of me. Was this a dream? "Is this a fuckin dream" i said stuttering "no baby I'm back , I missed you so much" he said as he walked towards me pushing me against the wall and he crashed his lips onto mine I didn't even have time to react as I gave him permission and his hands travelled up and down my body making me moan "Jake ... " my hands couldn't resist this anymore , I slid my hands under his shirt digging my nails deep into his back wandering all over his bare back.

I heard the door smash open. It was jack. wait what the fuck? oh my god. I totally forgot about jack , I saw Jake after so long I couldn't help myself this felt so wrong and right at the same time before I could say anything jack started punching Jake I don't know what happened to me but I couldn't see Jake in pain as I begged jack to stop. Now Jake was practically beating the living shit out of Jack but I just stood there nothing managed to come out of my mouth.

I remember when Jack left the party rushing towards his car and his whole face was filled with blood. I couldn't do anything. I just let him walk away. I just fucked this up so badly.

I remember jake bringing me home and since he came here alone I asked him to stay at my house ... He wanted to sleep in my room but that felt so wrong so I let him stay in the guest room.

How was I suppose to choose between jack and Jake? Jake was my past I admit that and it was a good past , no bad memories only good times. But what do you do when you're perfectly happy and fine with someone new in your life and your old "happy" past comes back into your life?

Do you choose the present or the past?

I loved jack and still do , he made me feel so beautiful , so loved , he made me feel things I didn't even know were possible to feel. But Jake , we were together for 3 years , do I still love Jake? What I had with jack did that mean absolutely nothing to me?

My head was spinning from all these thoughts , then I realized what was missing , it was jack , it was jack missing , in my life , in my room , it's like a huge part of my life just got lost , I didn't know what to do with myself. Should I go see jack , he's probably so mad and hurt , he wouldn't even look at me . I fucked up so badly. Jake my ex boyfriend was sleeping in the next room.

This was all so wrong. Jake didn't ask me any questions about jack when he was driving me home I mean it was pretty self explanatory anyways.

I can't let my past ruin my present. I loved jack not Jake. I missed Jake maybe that's why I let him kiss me , touch me but now it all felt wrong. Only jack can kiss me , only jack can love me , only jack can touch me , this is so wrong Jake can't ruin my life like this even if it's not intentional . I've moved on. I love jack and I can't loose him . I'm gonna go talk to him just rightnow I don't care.

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I carefully managed to tip toe out of my house without waking anyone up. I didn't care if jack was sleeping he can wake up . I knocked on his front door a couple of times , I noticed his jeep was in his driveway which meant he's home. I knocked a couple of times as I was about to knock one last time but the door flew open and I saw jack standing there wearing a pair of sweat pants hanging low from his waist, exposing his perfectly defined v line and I looked up to see a blunt in his hand and his eyes were red shot , his hair was messy and there was smoke running out of his mouth.

He was smoking a blunt at 4am not something so typical. That's when it hit me. He was back to the old jack he used to be. The jack every girl was warned about at school. I looked at his eyes , they weren't shinning bright as usual , they were dark , full of secrets and anger. His face was tight and his lips were chapped and bruised.

This wasn't the jack who loved me I realized as I felt a tear roll down my cheek i lost him. I lost my jack. I fucked up. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and change something you did? yes , that was me rightnow.

"what the fuck do you want ... why the fuck are you at my house at 4 in the morning , who the fuck told you to come over?" He said staring deeply into my eyes , his tone was so harsh my heart started beating so fast , I've never seen him like this. "Jack why are you acting like this ..." I asked quietly as I tried to keep my tears in " do I really need to fuckin give you a reason , who even are you , what do you want?" He spit out causing me to jump back. I was getting scared. This wasn't jack. This can't be my jack. "jack .. baby can we talk I need to tell yo-" he cut me off as he started laughing "Wait what ... your baby , did you just call me baby" he said in between sarcastic laughs "well that's funny isn't it didn't you think of that as you were kissing your boyfriend" he said in a low tone but I could feel the anger in his eyes.

"Jack I love you not him , I don't know what happened it was just that he came out of-" I was about to finish until I saw someone walk up behind jack. It was nicole that's not what made my heart skip a beat , it was when I saw she was wearing one of Jack's shirts that's it. Did jack really had sex with her? oh my god. Was this his way of getting back at me. I felt terrible. I felt fuckin used. But it was my fault too , I started this. My eyes started to pool up with tears "I'm sorry for disturbing you" I managed to say and my voice started breaking as I ran out from the door and I didn't go back home straight I just ran. I just wanted this to end. I wanted to die. Nothing was ever going to be the same. I fucked up so badly. I kept running I didn't even know where I was going. It was pitch dark outside and the street lights were dim , I could barely see where I was going , my legs started to hurt , I could feel the blood in my body pump up. I was searching for air , the last thing I remember was pain crashing through my back as I blacked out.

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