Loved // j.g

I Want You To Stay

Jack's POV
I started tossing and turning in my sleep because something was distracting me I couldn't tell what it was as I slowly opened my eyes to come back to my senses.
It was hanna.
She was talking in her sleep ; "I'm not drunk" she said loudly "PLEASE DONT TOUCH ME LET ME GO" she screamed out loud as she woke up suddenly.
I didn't even have time to react the next thing I know I was clinched to her body and she was holding tightly onto my body as I kept repeating "hush baby girl i'm here it's just a dream" over and over again in her ear.
Her head was buried in my chest and I could feel her tears all over my chest .
After about what felt like 10 minutes she was calmed down.
I kept petting her hair and rubbing her back rhythmically.
"you okay baby girl?" I asked quietly "I got a nightmare that guy almost just again rape---" she started but i cut her off by placing a finger on her mouth. I couldn't hear this, I know what she's going through and I don't want her to repeat it , I don't want her to think about it.
"It's a dream hanna, you are here with me , look at me, you are safe okay nothing is gonna happen to you, I will protect you" I said lifting her face up and bringing it to my level , it was dark in my room but I could still see her face, her eyes filled with tears.
The view of her crying made me feel so angry because she doesn't deserve all of this.
It's all my fault.
I'll never forgive myself.
"Hanna" I said as I traced my finger across her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear .
"mm" she said.
"I want you to stay calm while I tell you this" i said nervously .
"I can already tell this is gonna be bad" she said quietly.
Her face was like 5 inches away from mine , she was staring into my eyes as my eyes met hers. I quickly glanced at her lips, they looked so lonely it took me so much to not just grab her face and kiss her lips, make her feel loved and wanted.
I had to stop myself I couldn't kiss her , if I did it would be hard for me to leave her.
"Nothing baby girl , I think we should just goto sleep" i said smiling widely so she can't tell im lying.
"whatever you say Jack" she said happily and her smile faded away as she noticed something.
"what's this ...." She asked looking at the pillow between our bodies.
Oh fuck im so screwed.
"I didn't want to hurt your body ... after today , I need to keep my hands away from you" I lied because the truth is I didn't want to kiss her , hold her , as much as I missed it I can't afford doing that because it would be impossible for me to leave her after this.
"no Jack you don't hurt me" she said picking up the pillow and throwing it across the room "come here" she said petting the space next to her and I had no choice but scoot my body closer to her but yes that was true too , I don't wanna hurt her body .
She spread my arm across the bed and rested herself on my shoulder and buried her face into my chest , as I placed my hand carefully on her hip instead of her waist because it was full of fresh bruises.
"I love you" she said as much as I wanted to say I love you back I couldn't and I knew she was waiting for me to say something but she kept quiet and after about a few minutes I felt a tear drop fall on my chest and I knew she was crying.
I felt like an asshole doing this . Making her cry , she was hurt just because of me but I can't make her suffer anymore I'll leave her ... forever.
I closed my eyes hoping everything would go back to the way it used to be but I know that was false hope.
"I want you to stay" she said quietly "don't leave me" was all I heard before I drifted off too sleep with teary eyes.
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