Loved // j.g

Emotions

Jack's POV
Hanna hung up the phone before I even got the chance to say something or anything.
It took me a while to process her words.
I could feel her voice breaking and I knew she was probably sitting there crying her eyes out just because of me.
I don't exactly know how to react over these kinds of things.
All my life I've never been loved this way, no one has ever noticed the little things about me , the features , no nothing , no one has ever "loved" me .
I quickly rushed out of my thoughts as I remembered Hanna's last words.
"I'm just sorry if I ever do anything with my self just know I love you so much Jack"
Oh my god how can i be so stupid?
Hanna loves me so much she can't stand the thought of me being with someone else or leaving her she'll do anything for me.
I quickly got out of bed and ran downstairs wearing my shoes and calling hanna as I did so.
She didn't pick up. My heart started to beat super fast at the thoughts of her doing something stupid just over me.
If anything happens to her I would never forgive myself.
I ran to her house and I knew blake was home and probably has no idea what's going on so i climbed up to her window praying I wouldn't cause a scene nor get hurt in the process.
As I reached the ledge I felt a sharp pain rush through my knee and I looked down to see a nail crushed in my skin.
Holyfuck I hate blood or even the sight of it. I quickly pulled out the nail from my bleeding knee and tried to keep my screams in. Hanna's window was more like a door I opened it and my heart dropped at the sight of what I just saw.
Hanna was sitting in the corner under the computer desk, curled in a ball with a lighter in her hand and a knife I didn't even want to think what she was gonna do , the room was dark except that her lamps were on , making everything visible and clear.
I walked in and hanna finally looked up and her eyes met mine and my heart broke a little because they were full of pain.
"Hanna oh my fuckin shit , no no" I kept repeating as I walked up to where she was sitting and sat down on the floor .
She had the lighter on and she was plastering it on the knife and I had no clue what that was suppose to do but I knew she was trying to hurt herself.
"stop this oh my god put that away" I panicked as I blow out the lighter and took the knife from her hand and placed it on the side.
"go away let me die" she cried and buried her head in her lap so I couldn't see it.
"never ever say that hanna, listen to me" I said trying to get her to look at me but it wasn't working. I could hear her breathing getting louder and louder by the second .
"baby girl stay with me shush it's okay, I'm here hanna .. for you" I kept repeating trying to get her out of under there.
"no you hate me, you're not here for me , you're leaving me remember Jack you left me?" She said looking up this time and her face was full with tears and her eyes were bloodshot , I felt terrible looking at her in this position.
"no im never leaving you hanna please listen to me and come out of there please hanna"I begged and touched her face with my hand but she like flinched away from my touch like I just electrocuted her or something.
"no..no do--don't touch me" she said crying and stuttering at the same time I could barely understand what she was saying.
"shush babygirl it's okay" I said as I pulled her out of under the desk and picked her up bridal style and putting her gently on the bed as she tried to get rid of me but I was way too strong compared to her.
I took off my shoes and got in bed with her turning her my way so she was facing me and brushed her hair out of her face, wiping her tears away with my palm as she kept her eyes open as if she was trying to make sense if this was all a dream or real.
"baby open your eyes please" I begged pulling her closer to me .
After about 20 seconds she slowly opened her eyes and bit her lips and looked down at her wrists.
I wish I didn't just witness all this. On her arms were big red burns all over her wrists. Now it all made sense. She heated up the knife and placed it on her wrists leaving flat red marks of the knife . Oh my god , my heart hurt at the sight of this.
"hanna holy fuckin shit no no , wait let me go get something fuck , im so sorry please forgive me im so stupid oh my god" I panicked as I ran to her bathroom finding the first towel I could and placing it under cold running water .
I came back and placed the towel on her wrists as I heard quiet cries leave Hanna's mouth I know she was hurting and it's all my fault.
"I'm so so sorry baby" i said as I pressed the towel onto her skin.
"Jac--Jack..Jack" she choked out and looked at me with those cute little innocent eyes.
"yes baby girl talk to me please" i said as nicely and concerned as possible.
"why'd you--you come here? I thought you'd think I'm some retarded bitch who's obsessed with you, why did you come Jack, you'll regret it" she said quietly.
"I came here because I love you hanna, I love you , I care about you, I can't see you in pain, if I knew you were hurt this badly I would've never left you hanna, I don't regret doing anything to you, okay babygirl?" I said spilling out my feelings.
"and no I don't think you're obsessed , it's not you , it's me . I'm not worthy of all your love , I don't deserve you , you deserve so much better . Someone who respects you and doesn't hurt you .. Like I do hanna" I explained.
"no, no, no I want you Jack, you're worthy of all the love in this world Jack, you're a wonderful person, you are amazing im just so lucky I have you in my life , im really sorry I'm just a fucked up person who happens to be in love with you so badly I can't contain myself Jack. " she said and bought my face closer to hers so now we were like inches apart and I inhaled her scent she smelled like strawberries , I love strawberries now.