Loved // j.g

Fresh Start?

Regret.

Regret was what I was feeling rightnow.

It's like my whole body stopped functioning and I was being forced by my own mind to feel this feeling.

The feeling of regret.

a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

what have I done?

As soon as hanna rushed and ran out that door, it fuckin hit me like a storm , I lost her.

I fuckin lost her man.

I told hanna the most horrible things.

I did not mean any of that.

I would never say anything that cruel about my own girl.

I sat here rethinking everything I said to hanna.

I felt awful.

Oh my god what the fuck have I done?

She changed my life, she made it worth living, worth loving and I told her ; she ruined my life.

I remembered my last words to her. "GET OUT" , I'd practically kick her out of my house.

She's never going to forgive me.

That's it.

I can't stay here any longer.

I'll somehow manage to survive these 2 weeks with hanna living next door and move to California because I cannot bring myself to face the girl who I loved but literally told her so much shit today , none of it which I meant.
I mean I just snapped because she started that emotional shit like hell no I obviously didn't want to leave her I had no choice and she flipped out , blaming it all on me.

See this is what happens when you get attached.

I called sammy shortly and he picked up "yo wanna ball up tonight?" I asked and after a second he spoke up "sure thing man, just like old times" he said excitedly .

"just like old times" I smiled , "is hanna coming with us or is it a boy's night?" Sammy asked and a felt a weird feeling in my stomach hearing her name.
"eh I kinda like fucked up shit, no more hanna I guess" i said trailing off "dude are you alright!?" He asked sounding worried.

"I'm fuckin amazing , by the way we have to goto the hospital on our way I gotta get rid of these stitches today, fuckin finally" I said and sighed.
"gotchu, see ya in a bit brotha" sammy said and hung up.

Isn't it funny how in a matter of seconds , so much can happen in your life?

Well fuck it.

I don't care. Maybe I was rude to her but she was nothing less. Fuck getting upset over a girl that's such a pussy move, im over it , totally.

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Hanna's POV
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I ran for a while around the neifbourhokd and realized I should stop running , I don't want a panic attack in the middle of nowhere and this time Jack always being the savior in the situation won't come save me.

It was my fault.

I started all of this.

I made a mess once again.

This time im pretty sure I'm not getting my jack back. Maybe I never had him?
I don't know it's normal for two people in a relation to fight and break it off but why did it hurt so much to think about me and Jack separating?

Why did I get so attached to this boy that without him I feel like I'm fuckin lost, worthless , just nothing?
It's all my fault for opening up too much to Jack, making him my first priority , depending my whole life on him.

I'm young , I should be sensible.
People break up all the time right?
Fights happen all the time right?

Maybe I'm just overrating.

I walked back home like nothing even happened and my parents weren't home and same with blake.

Great.

I have the house to myself.

Maybe I should start doing things a normal teenage does you know? Make dinner for my family, do my homework? Hang out with my friends, worry about what college I'm getting into, go out , look pretty, impress random strangers, goto parties, meet new people, new friends , new personality , open up and live the life I want.

Maybe get drunk and fuck some random hot guy at the club, you know no feelings attached?

The only friends I really had that i was close to are ashley, Rachel and nicole. But all of them are somehow related to Jack or his friends.

Maybe I needed a bestfriend who wasn't related to any of these people so I could trust her enough to get normal advice you know.

Fuck this.

I feel numb , not upset. I'm gonna goto school , look pretty, make new friends not hesitate when guys try to flirt with me but instead flirt back. That's what highschools about.

Tomorrow is gonna be the day I change and for good this time.
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v short ik