together

twenty-three

"Damn guys, how about we spread some positivity?" Dylan laughed, shaking his head towards us.

Ben laughed lightly.
"Why be positive in a place with such negativity?" He spoke, making the mood of the room immediately change.

"Ben we've talked about this-" "yes, I know- I know, stay positive around her because she's new and innocent to this, I'm well aware" he spoke simply.

I looked to Dylan who was focused towards Ben.

"You can't continually tell yourself you're going to die" I mumbled out, seeing Ben look to me.

"Can you give us a minute?" I mumbled out, looking to Dylan.

"Yeah, I'll be right at the nurses station if you need, just push the nurse button"

"He's full of shit" Ben spoke.

"He's trying to help you" I spoke.

"No- he's killing me while he's trying to be my best friend" he spoke.

"He isn't killing you" I shot to him.

"But the treatment is" Ben shot back.

"The treatment is saving you"

"I'm going to die either way-" "stop talking like that!" I raised my voice towards him,

"If you come into this telling yourself you're going to die- you will, but if you try to live, you might just do that."

He starred to me for a second

"I was just like you when I first started chemo- until I was cured, everything was great" he spoke slowly.

"Until it came back" he continued

"I fought my first round for five years I've been at this round for almost one year- do you blame me for thinking I'm going to die when all that I can remember from my childhood is a hospital?"

"That's not an excuse- you're basically wishing death upon yourself" I spoke.

"And why is that a bad thing?" He laughed out.

"Do you realize how much happier we will be when this is all fucking over? When we don't have to deal with needles in our veins, scans, blood draws, hospital beds, the fucking nightmares, the fucking chemo treatments- once that's all gone- we'll be happy again"

I felt tears coming into my eyes.

"You can't tell me how to feel- just how I can't tell you how to feel" He shot to me.

"I'm just trying to make you stop putting yourself down."

"Well stop" he spoke.

"You don't have to be a fucking dick about it" I mumbled out, wiping a tear that had slipped down my cheek.

"Don't call me a dick for trying to explain something to you. All you do is run from death, you're fucking scared of it- scared of something that is going to get us away from this hell hole" he spoke.

I stood, starting to walk to the door.

"I'm not scared of death- and that's what's going to make me happy."

I walked out of the room- almost slamming his door behind me, walking as fast as I could to my own room.

Barely even thirty feet into it- I was winded, I was tired, like I had been running a whole mile

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I felt more and more tears running down my cheeks as that question ran through my head.

I got to my room- almost gasping for air.

I felt the tightness in my chest, knowing what that meant.

I sat on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and pushing my head to my knees.

I closed my eyes- trying not to think about anything but my breathing pattern.

Just as I almost had it handled- a nurse entered

"Ms.Skylar I need to check your- oh my god- page Dr.Hood, 911" she yelled out.

"I'm fine" I groaned out, looking towards the ceiling.

They didn't need to page him, his office was right fucking next door.

"What's wrong" Calum shot out, his eyes meeting me.

"I found her like this" she spoke towards him as he almost pushed her away from me, crouching with me.

"It's just anxiety" I spoke to him.

"Okay- I understand, lets put your head back to your knees" he spoke quietly, doing as said

He ran his fingers through my hair gently, pulling his stethoscope from around his neck.

"I just need to listen to your heart and breathing"

His cold stethoscope rested on my chest, he moved it around slightly to get the right spot.

He moved to my back, quickly getting what he wanted.

"Okay Sky" he breathed out, sitting completely and pulling me even closer to him.

I listened to his heart beat, closing my eyes into him.

"I'm tired" I mumbled out

" let's get some sleep"