together

fourty-five

they took her body- the four of us sat in my office, silent.

Ben entered- tears running down his face.

He handed each of us a letter with our names on it

Cal

  The first day I saw you- I was intimidated, I was scared, but you gave me comfort. My parents were leaving me, something I still don't understand- but somehow, you completely made me forget about that. You took the spot of my parents- you were my father figure, you were my big brother, you were my best friend. I will forever cherish you and look up to you as the best doctor to ever exist.
   I didn't expect to die- I know certain days I wanted to die, but I could never see the day actually coming. Normally, I feel like people are sad and miserable that they're dying- but I'm not, and it's so weird. I look at it as freedom, I don't have to deal with needles anymore, no more chemo sickness, no more hospital beds, no more missing my mom and dad. I'm free, just look at it that way.
   I don't know how you feel. I was never able to truly understand how you felt about this, but I respect you for not crying infront of me- you made me stronger in a way. Just know, none of this is your fault. You couldn't have changed it no matter what you think. This was Gods plan and it just turns out that I'm going to be so much happier Cal.
   I need you to be happy for me. Show people how happy I am through you. Cheer up the other guys, be there for Ben, hug my parents even though they were shitty. Find a girlfriend- tell her all about the amazing little smart ass that you met, make sure she likes me. Have kids, live life, don't get stuck at the hospital forever. Go cuddle with Duke, he misses you.
You were my world when I had nothing, and I'm sorry that I couldn't stop myself from leaving you, but the good thing is, you have something. You have three boys who love you more than my own family loved me. You have a big sister who you speak so proudly of- I know that she's gotta be the best. A mom who you continually brag about how strong she is, and a dad who will also assist you in a time of need.
  It's okay to not be okay Cal, just make sure you get help. Don't stay silent through this, I want you to take some time off, go be with the boys, be with your family, do some fun and stupid stuff. Go show the world how good of a damn doctor you are. And lastly, don't stop laughing, your laugh was always my favorite thing about you

Thank you for being my best friend and holding my hand through everything, I'll always be by your side, don't doubt me.

I grabbed my phone, dialing the number I had memorized

"Hello?"

"Mali- I really need you"