together

twenty-four

Cancer is already physically painful

You're already vulnerable

And you already barely have any privacy.

But this morning I woke up on my period

Thankfully, I didn't have to go through the painfully embarrassing task of asking for pads and tampons due to the hospital stocking the bathroom cabinets with them, but as I laid in the hottest bath water I could manager to get at three in the morning, I knew- as soon as I could see one of the boys, I was getting medicine.

I got out, throwing a towel around my body before looking into the mirror- seeing my reflection, which physically drained me.

My collar bones were more prominent than before, my dark circles were bigger- I was ugly.

I wasn't normal anymore.

I stopped judging myself and I threw on clothes.

I groaned lightly through a cramp, wanting nothing but to punch myself in the stomach before starting to brush my hair.

As I almost came to a finish- I pulled my brush away- seeing a whole clump of hair.

And not like a small normal clump you would see when brushing hard- I'm talking about the amount of hair you would see on the floor after a haircut.

"God please no" I felt tears immediately roll into my eyes as I dropped the brush completely- letting it clatter to the floor.

"Why god" I cried out, falling to the floor, laying in a small ball

This is what rock bottom felt like

This is what depression was

This was the worst moment of my life

I let silent tears roll down my cheeks as I laid on my bathroom floor- trying not to make myself sick, which wasn't the easiest task now.

When I heard the main door open quietly- I knew it was around five in the morning.

I knew it was Calum

He's always the first to come in and check my vitals

I soon heard the smallest knock

"Sky?" His voice spoke.

"Hm?" I hummed back quietly.

"You okay?" He asked gently.

"Nope" I spoke back simply.

"Are you dressed?" He asked- which I respected

"Yeah" I breathed out, watching the doorknob turn until I saw him.

"Did you fall?" He immediately panicked.

"I wanted to" I spoke slowly.

"Are you in pain? What's wrong?" He panicked, his fingers hitting my neck gently.

I felt the tears gathering again

"I'm on my period and I need medicine" I spoke quietly, letting my eyes meet his

"And I'm losing my hair" my voice cracked- more tears welling in my eyes.

"Skylar" He exhaled, pulling me into his chest, almost completely lifting me off the floor.

I held his scrubs into my hands, crying into his shoulder.

"I feel so ugly" I sobbed out, feeling and wanting nothing but to feel his arms around me

"You may feel ugly, but I promise you- with every bone in my body, you are nothing but absolutely beautiful"