Denial - a Breddy fanfic

5.

Brett had really considered whether he should go or not. Eddy would probably just ask again and again until he gave in and told him what he'd been thinking about when he got there. He could never tell him that, he would be disgusted and never talk to him again. Then he would have nobody. Eddy was his everything, his partner in music and life.
But not in love.
"Shut up" he muttered under his breath to the voice as he rounded the corner just by the café, and got a strange look from a passing lady.
Everyone thinks you're crazy, gotta stop talking to yourself before Eddy finds out, idiot.
And again Brett knew the voice was right. It was stupid and annoying, but right. It's childish to talk to oneself, and Brett was not a child. 

He had to stop beside the door to breathe before going in.
"Remember, he can't know. Don't let it show, don't act rashly, just don't do anything stupid."
As if you can manage that, good luck.
The sarcastic tone of the "good luck" from his not so kind inner voice didn't help his mental state, but he still opened the door and stepped into the as good as empty café. His hands were clammy, and he felt slightly unwell, but had still made the step. He went over to their table and returned Eddy's smile. Brett's smile was put on, a good fake. Brett thought of himself as good at faking, but he also knew that Eddy knew him too damn well.
"Thank you for coming", Eddy said with relief in his voice. That took Brett slightly aback. If only he knew how close he was to backing out just a few minutes before.
"No, sure, why wouldn't I?" he lied, avoiding eye contact with Eddy. He still hadn't found out how he always knew he was lying.
Eddy bounced off his chair. "The usual, right?" he asked, grabbing his card from his pocket.
"I can order myself, no worries." Brett started to get out of his chair too, but a soft hand placed on his shoulder held him back. 
"No, I got it today. The usual?" Eddy's voice was soft like butter, and it made Brett's mind go blank. That's how well they knew each other - down to the usual coffee order.
"Okay", he muttered, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. He followed the taller boy with his eyes as he went up to order. How could he be so awake at this hour? It was too early to even exist. Then he remembered that he himself was also awake at this hour. "What that boy gets me to do", he muttered silently. Hopefully silently enough for Eddy not to hear.
Gotta be less obvious, stupid.

When Eddy came back they each had a sip of their coffee. Eddy leaned his elbows on the table.
"I'm not sure what I was thinking, getting coffee this early", he said followed by a big yawn. "I just couldn't sleep, you know?" He pulled some of his hair away from his face, causing Brett's stomach knot to return.
Damn that's hot.
He shook his head slightly, partly in response to Eddy, before blowing air out of his nose. "Nah, man, it's too damn early. Why are we even up at this hour? Don't we have to be awake later to film another charades video?"
Eddy's eyes widened. "That's today?! I thought we'd do that tomorrow!" he exclaimed before facepalming. "God, I should have tried harder to sleep."
They laughed. This was just like the old days, just like it was before Brett's brain had decided to make up stupid thoughts about the taller violinist. For Eddy it was probably all the same as before. At least that was what Brett hoped for. No change for Eddy. No need to pull him down in the mud as well.

"By the way, we've got a ton of response on that valentines video. People went wild in the comments", Eddy mentioned, seemingly casually. Brett blushed again, but tried to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee.
"Hadn't noticed", he said ehile putting his cup down, attempting his deadpan face with little success. He hadn't noticed much other than the links to the other stories the fans wanted them to read. He had even noticed himself clicking them, but then immediately closing the browser before he could read more than the first word. Then the voice usually would have a go at him.
"Man, it's so weird that people are writing stories about us. I mean, sometimes they have some details I really wonder where they get from. It's just too realistic man." Eddy had a sip of his coffee while waiting for Brett's reply. Brett's mind was racing for the right thing to say, to not let Eddy on to what he was really thinking. Too realistic? What did he mean by that?
"Yeah, it's too realistic, yeah..." Brett replied, but he was mostly still inside his head thinking about those links. What's the worst that could happen if he read just one? Or maybe just the ending of the one they had started in the video?
"I mean, there seems to be a lot of people who... what's the word... ship us?" Eddy giggled after saying that out loud, just like he had in the video they made.
"Isn't that weird or what?" Brett's cheeks went warm. It wasn't like that, he didn't like Eddy like that. It was just his stupid brain who thought about holding him... kissing him...
The stomach knot tightened at the thought. He held his stomach and made a face as if he had a stomach ache. It wasn't far from the truth to call it an ache.
"You alright, bro?" Eddy asked automatically when he saw his friend in distress, suddenly forgetting about the mention of shipping. He looked like he immediately regretted the question, though, and with good reason.
"I'm fine, stop asking me", Brett snapped back at him, with immediate fear his secret would come out if Eddy continued asking. He too immediately regretted opening his mouth so harshly.
"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? I just worry about you, alright?" Eddy said flatly. He was tired of Brett's stupid worrying behaviour, and after several months of building up to this, he had enough. Couldn't this idiot just get that he cared about him?
"There's literally nothing to worry about, so you gotta leave it alone man." Brett lied through his teeth, and Eddy knew it was a lie. Brett had never been good at lying about serious business, not to anyone but especially not to Eddy, and to Brett this was serious business.
"Then stop acting so weird! It freaks me out man!" Eddy exclaimed, and the silence in the room was so intense you could probably hear it if a small spider ran across the floor. Brett just shook his head.
"It's nothing with me, Eddy. Nothing." Eddy shook his head back at him.
"You're lying to me. I know when you're lying to me, we're best friends!" Brett felt sick to his stomach now. Eddy couldn't find out. His mind was twisted, yes, but why did everything have to be so difficult? Why did his stupid brain decide to see Eddy like that? Why did he have to get that stupid tight feeling in his stomach every time he looked at him? Why did the world hate him?
"Brett... you're crying..?" Eddy half asked half stated in a soft and much calmer voice.
"Brett?" Brett hadn't noticed he was crying until Eddy pointed it out. Between some sobs he managed to whisper "Am not." He took off his glasses and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his hoodie and finally realized that he actually was crying. A lot.

"Dude, come here" Eddy whispered before getting out of his chair to hug his older best friend. Brett buried his face into Eddy's shoulder, sobbing like a child.
Idiot, you're ruining everything!
The voice wasn't about to leave hin alone, and it made Brett cry even harder.
He's gonna find out, he's gonna leave you. It's your own fault. Idiot.
"Please Brett, tell me what's going on. Please", Eddy whispered in his ear, still holding the smaller boy tightly in his arms. Brett had needed that hug for a long time, judging from how tightly he hugged back.
"I... I can't tell you Eddy... I..." Brett felt awful, but at the same time relief. All the emotions just came out of him at the same time. It had built up like a massive dam, and now it was overflowing.
Don't tell him, you absolute moron. Don't you want to have him in your life still?
"Brett, you can tell me anything, anything you need", he assured the older boy, but he wasn't sure what could be so bad that he couldn't tell his best friend. Was he sick? He had been tired and out of it lately... maybe that was it?
You're gonna lose everything, Brett. It's happening, and it's your own fault. Thank yourself.
"Please make it be quiet, Eddy. Please..." he whispered. "Make it shut up, I can't handle it!"
Eddy was confused, but wanted to understand.
"Make what be quiet?" he asked while moving so he could look his friend in his eyes.
"The voice", Brett whispered, as if he didn't want it to hear. His eyes were full of tears, they were running down his cheek.
Makes you look like a child, crying like this.
"Please, Eddy, make it stop."