Denial - a Breddy fanfic

151.

Eddy stared at the ceiling, not knowing what to do with himself. While he had calmed the worst of his panic attack by talking to Brett, the images still popped into his head every time he closed his eyes. The feeling of the hard metal against his back, of being held harder than what was comfortable, of lips forcefully pressed against his. It all came back to him, hit him like a truck.

A single tear ran down the side of his face, hitting the pillow he rested his head on. He had to handle it on his own. Brett had more than enough with his own problems, and he needed the sleep. No need to worry Brett. He could deal with it alone.
Eddy grabbed the other pillow and hid his face in it as he tried to will himself not to cry despite the tears constantly trying to force they way out and his throat thickening for every second. He didn't want to admit it, but all he needed was for Brett to hold him and tell him it would be fine. He wouldn't admit it, because he couldn't have that. Brett had enough to deal with as it was.

He must have fallen asleep eventually, because when he woke up it was light out. Everything felt heavy, like the duvet was made of lead, holding him down in the bed. Getting up wasn't an option.
He convinced himself he'd be fine not getting out of bed that day.

Brett stared at the clock in the room the group therapy session was being held. These were the worst, and time moved so slow he was sure he could've practiced for 40 hours in one session.
It took even longer now, since the voice had been quiet since that first half pill. He had gotten another this morning, and had obediently taken it, but the constant silence was creeping him out.

When he finally got back to his room with almost an hour left before dinner, he slid down on his bed and grabbed his phone. Would it be too soon to call Eddy?
The voice would probably normally have told him off, but he decided to call anyway. He even made it a video call, something the voice would never approve of. Kind of liberating to do whatever he wanted.

"Hey", Eddy mumbled tiredly, only barely peeking out for under the covers. Brett furrowed his brows.
"How are you feeling? I hope the visit didn't make you more sick", Brett said, but Eddy shook his head quietly. It was hard to see him, as the room around him was pretty much dark still.
"Nah, I'm fine. Don't worry", he said with a sigh. He was actually getting quite hungry, but the act of going downstairs and prepare food felt overwhelming.

"Have been in bed all day?" Brett asked, biting his lip. He was getting rather worried at this point. What was happening?
"It's comfy, okay?" Eddy mumbled with a sigh. "Stop worrying, I can feel you worry all the way here."
"I worry about you because I love you and you know it", Brett said sternly. "What's going on?"
Eddy groaned and pulled the duvet over his head.
"I'm fine, Brett", he repeated, but Brett didn't buy it. He did feel a sting in his heart about the fact that they still weren't honest towards each other about how they were.

"Do you want to talk to someone else about it?" Brett asked quietly, curling up more on his bed.
"What?"
"You can talk to someone else about it, if you want. I don't mind, I just want you to be okay", Brett said, only lying about the fact that he didn't mind. It was more important that Eddy was fine anyway.
Eddy sighed.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're lying?" he mumbled, peeking out from under the duvet again.
Brett sighed.
"I just want you to be fine, Eddy, and if you don't want to talk to me, I'd much rather you talk to someone you trust."

Eddy got quiet for a while, trying to stomach the fact that Brett thought he didn't trust him.
"I trust you, Brett", he said quietly after a long silence. Brett shook his head quietly.
"It's fine that you don't, Eddy. I get it", Brett sighed, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten. "Just make sure you're okay, please."
"Stop that, Brett. You've gotten it all wrong, okay? I just hate to worry you. You have enough to deal with." Eddy rubbed his eyes, feeling defeated.

Brett shook his head.
"That's exactly what I wanted to avoid. I don't want to be a burden, I want to actually be equal in the relationship. Give and take and all that." His voice broke up at the end of thst sentence. "You keep giving. I want to make you happy too, Eddy."
A tear ran down Eddy's cheek again, but he wiped it quickly.
"You do make me happy, Brett", he insisted, feeling the need to hug Brett again. Brett sighed, not believing him.
"I can see that", he mumbled sarcastically, looking away. "I'm sorry."
"You really do Brett. It really is nothing, it was just a night of bad sleep. I don't know why, but my mind just kept bouncing back to what happened with Chris and I got scared", he explained, hating to see Brett down like that. He wanted to fix it. "I'm fine, just tired and I miss you. It's so empty here without you."

"Why didn't you call, then?" Brett asked, not realizing. Eddy sighed, not wanting Brett to feel bad. He had called. That was why he called, but hearing Brett cry made him react like he always did. Brett was always more important.
"I should have", he mumbled. "I'm sorry."