Denial - a Breddy fanfic

133.

Brett had fallen asleep resting his head on Eddy's chest. He looked peaceful with his slightly pink cheeks and ruffled hair, his calm breathing and light snores.
Eddy felt like he was suffocating, but moving wasn't an option. Waking Brett wasn't an option. He didn't even know why he felt like that, really.
It had been calm after the outburst with cuddles and kisses and "I love you"s. Brett had drifted off, and it had been nice for a while just listening to his breathing, ruffling his hair, kissing his head. He had no idea why all these emotions overpowered him now.

He tried to stop himself from shaking or sobbing, tried his best to only let his tears flow silently. Everything got a lot harder when a sob escaped through his lips. He couldn't wake Brett. He needed the sleep to help him feel better.
He almost lost it when Brett adjusted his position, biting his hand to stop himself from sobbing, but the shaking only got worse.

He snuck out from under Brett, leaving him alone on the couch and almost ran to the bathroom, sinking down next to the door as it closed. It felt like he was dying, like the floor was collapsing under him and that he was constantly falling. He closed his fists and pressed them hard on each side of his head to try and get the shaking to stop.
"Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong nothing's wrong...", he repeated over and over as a whisper as if trying to convince himself and forced his eyes shut.

There was a light knock on the bathroom door and Eddy shook his head at the sound, realizing what it meant. It meant Brett had woken up and that it was his fault if Brett wasn't feeling well tomorrow.
"Eddy?" he heard muffled from outside, Brett's voice sounding sleepy. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I'm sorry for waking you. Please go back to sleep", Eddy sobbed, wrapping his arms tightly around himself.
"What's wrong, Eddy?" Brett replied, sounding worried now, which only made Eddy panic harder.
"Nothing. It's nothing, please go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you, I'm sorry", he half whispered as his voice was failing him now.
"Eddy, please let me in. Let me help you", Brett said, and Eddy hesitated for a moment before unlocking the door.

Brett sat down on his knees next to his shivering fiancé, pulling him into a hug.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine", Eddy repeated as a whisper with tears streaming down his face. Brett rubbed his back gently, feeling his heart sink into his stomach.
"You don't have to be, Eddy. I'm sorry I put all that pressure on you", Brett mumbled, but Eddy just shook his head. It was his fault Brett wasn't fine, if only he cared for him better or hugged him tighter or if he hadn't lied in the first place. If he'd stayed away, if he'd...
"Eddy, love, talk to me please", Brett said calmly, kissing the top of his head. "What's going on? Why are you crying?" He wiped some of Eddy's tears again and kissed the topnof yis head. "Come on, you always tell me talking will help. It'll help you too."

It took some time for Eddy's breathing to calm down enough to actually speak, and he felt in general much better at that point exceot tye fact that he felt like an idiot for breaking down over nothing.
"I... I'm sorry... for waking you...", he half whispered, still with his face squished into Brett's chest. "I should be more stable to help you better. I'm sorry."
Brett hugged him tighter, trying to force the voice to shut up. This was not the time.
"I couldn't ask for better, Eddy", Brett mumbled, kissing his head. "I should probably tell you more often, but you always know how to make me feel better."
Eddy took a few deep breaths, not knowing how to respond. He wanted to say it couldn't be true, because he was the reason Brett was feeling bad in the first place.

"Please let me take care of you too, Eddy. I love you", Brett whispered, running a hand gently through his hair and listening as Eddy's breathing calmed down. Eddy nodded weakly, not sure how to deal with his thoughts.
They sat in silence, just hugging for a long while. Eddy tried to make sense of his thoughts, and when he did he spoke.
"I'm sorry I'm so selfish", he said, and he could feel the confusion run through Brett and the furrowing of his brows.
"What do you mean?" Brett asked, kissing the top of his head again.
"F... For holding on to you. You would've been better off if you hadn't met me", Eddy mumbled, realizing it wouldn't help to apologize for that now anyway. The damage was already done.
"That's stupid, all my best memories are with you. I wouldn't change that for the world", Brett replied simply, running his hand through his hair again.
"Even for being a soloist? Because you would've been", Eddy mumbled, closing his eyes. It was starting to hurt to sit on the hard bathroom floor, but it felt nice to be held. Brett snorted.
"That's more stupid, I wouldn't have. I'm nowhere near good enough for that", Brett said, shaking his head. Eddy sighed.
"You would've been if I had stayed away", he mumbled, shifting slightly. Brett furrowed his brows.
"I don't think you understand how big part you played in my development as a musician", Brett mumbled, still with furrowed brows. This time it was Eddy's time to snort.
"That's stupid, you were always ahead of me. You were my inspiration. Actually, are still", he said, turning to look at Brett who got a pink stain on his cheeks.
"And I worked so fricking hard for it to stay that way. Every time I had figured something out you were right behind me, so I had to practice so much to actually be ahead of you", Brett admitted, a small smile playing on his lips. Eddy couldn't help but smile back.
"I was only right behind you because you practically gave me extra lessons several times a week when we practiced together", Eddy said, a short laugh that made Brett's stomach flip. Brett leaned down to kiss him softly, causing Eddy to blush.
"So basically, we made each other better", Brett concluded after pulling away, and Eddy nodded.
"I guess. Thanks for making me feel better."
Brett kissed his forehead.
"Just doing what you do for me everyday because I love you, but can we go sit somewhere else now? My knees are dying."
Eddy nodded and quickly got off the floor and helped Brett up.
"Let's head to bed, maybe?" Eddy suggested, still holding Brett's hand after helping him up. Brett looked at their hands, Eddy's wearing the ring.
"Sure", he said, tilting his head up, and kissing Eddy quickly.