Denial - a Breddy fanfic

75.

Eddy's mind went completely blank. On one side, he had decided to never forgive Chris before he was even asked to this dinner. What he had done was still hurting him, physically and mentally. The calm relationship he had with Brett was permanently altered, and they had yet to see if it was for better or for worse.

On the other hand, would he ever be able to move on if he didn't?

"I just... I don't know", he said honestly, trying his best not to just run out if there to avoid the entire situation. He felt Brett's anger like a heater next to him, and he could also tell he was working hard to hide itm to let Eddy decide. What would happen if Brett snapped? Would Eddy try and stop him? He wasn't sure. Chris did deserve another punch, that was for sure...
"I don't expect you to forgive me, but if you ever would want to, just contact my father on the number he texted you on."

The dinner ended shortly after that and the elevator trip back up to their floor consisted mostly of silence and Brett trying hard not to punch anything out of sheer anger. Eddy didn't dare to say anything, feeling uncomfortable with Brett's state of mind.
"I don't think you should forgive him. He doesn't deserve it", Brett eventually said once the door to their room was closed behind them. The sharpness in his voice put Eddy a bit aback, but he tried to collect himself before answering.
"If I were to forgive him it wouldn't be for him anyway", he mumbled, unsure of how much he really could say against Brett's anger.
"Forgive him silently then, don't tell him!" Brett exclaimed, frustratedly throwing a pillow hard against the wall before swearing because his finger hurt doing so. Eddy stood frozen again. The quiet, calm Brett he had wanted, the sweet Brett he needed in that moment was missing.
"Brett...", Eddy mumbled, feeling tears pressing on even though he didn't feel like it was the correct response to how he was feeling. What he needed was a hug and some reassurance, not more violent emotions and anger. It felt too close to the threats Chris had thrown at him, too close to the hard grip on his arm, the forceful spreading of his thighs...
"You're crying", Brett stated, suddenly seeming much calmer. Eddy hadn't realized how obvious the flow of tears was until Brett pointed it out, but he didn't want him to try and wipe his tears away. Not until he had calmed down properly.
"Eddy, love..." Brett took a step over to him, but Eddy moved away, now with his back against the wall in the room. Brett's eyes went from worried to confused, and it stung Eddy's heart.
"J... just... don't... don't be angry, okay? You're sc... scaring me..." Eddy forced his mouth to form before closing his eyes as if he was waiting to be slapped.

Look what you're doing to him, Brett. Take a good look. Are you even any better than Chris at this point? Maybe he'd be better off with Chris that with angry Brett? You're scaring him, he literally said so himself.

Brett's heart sank into his stomach and he felt like he was suffocating. He was scaring Eddy. He was the cause of Eddy's fear in that moment. His mknd went around in circles, trying to think of a response. Nothing came out. Any hint of anger he had disappeared like dew in the sun.
"I..." Brett stuttered, trying to find words again. He took a step back from Eddy, trying to give him space. To not seem threatning.
Look at you go, having to TRY to not seem threatning to your boyfriend. Way to go.
"S...sorry..." he whispered, retreating as far against the other wall he was able to. The voice in his head kept yelling at him, and he let it. He made no attempt to stop it feeling he deserved it.

The next time Eddy opened his eyes, his vision was blurred with tears. He lifted his hand to wipe them, seeing Brett's panicked eyes all the way in the other side of the room. He knew that look, recognizing it as the voice talking to him in his head. Eddy didn't know what to do at this point, desperately needing the safe harbour Brett normally represented for him but feeling like he had to be BRETT'S safe harbour. He caught a thought passing that maybe they weren't good for each other. That maybe Brett would be better off without Eddy there and the other way around? He didn't want to think about it though, as every little bit of him wanted to be with Brett forever. Every little bit except that tiny little passing thought.