Denial - a Breddy fanfic

130.

//putting out a self harm warning on this one. I hope none of you are somewhere where that's something you do or could do, but if so: Please seek out help and/or talk to someone. I'm here if you don't have anyone else. //

Brett knew he had gone too far this time, that despite what the voice had told him. This was wrong. It did feel like he could breathe afterwards, but he knew that the sting was just a temporary relief. He knew as he watched the single line of red spill over and run down his arm that this was a big step across the line, and that he needed to stop. That this was not okay.

A few droplets of red hit the white porcelain of the sink. Brett stared at them for a second before turning on the faucet and making them disappear.
He calmly held his arm under the sink to rinse away some of the red. It felt as if he was in a glass bubble with all his thoughts and feelings stuck just outside the glass. He could see his desperation from earlier cling to the glass, the fear from seeing the blood forming in droplets, the worry that Eddy would find out.

A silent knock on the bathroom door snapped Brett out of his bubble.
"Bretty? Are you okay?" Eddy said from the other side of the door in a sleepy voice. Brett didn't know what to respond. He was kind of feeling okay now, which worried him. It felt wrong to feel okay.
"I uh... Don't know...", Brett replied shakily, moving his eyes down to his arm again. The droplets had dried out slightly on his arm now, but only barely enough to prevent it from forming new droplets.
"Can I come in?" Eddy asked, more gently this time. Brett felt his stomach tighten. Eddy was bound to find out anyway, but it felt like he was about to admit to accidentally sitting on his violin or something. He leaned over to unlock the door, and Eddy slowly opened it.
"Please don't be mad", Brett mumbled, not facing Eddy. "I know it was stupid."

Eddy spent a few seconds taking in the view in front of him. He couldn't help but see the sharp red line first followed by the glimmer of silver resting on the sink. His eyes moved up to see Brett's regret written all over his face, and Eddy's first reaction was to hug him gently.
"It's okay, Brett. Let's get you cleaned up and put together again, yeah?"
Brett closed his eyes hard and hid his face in Eddy's shoulder, making sure not to touch Eddy with the red stained arm.
"I'm sorry", Brett mumbled as Eddy grabbed a clean cloth from the cupboard to clean off some of the blood that had run down his arm.
"You don't have to apologize to me, Brett", Eddy replied calmly, and dug through the little basket they had for stuff like bandages and band-aids. He found a large band-aid that would be long enough to cover the red line Brett had made on his arm.
"I'm sorry anyway", Brett sighed as Eddy made him sit down on the toilet seat. Eddy gebtly cleaned off some more of the blood with the cloth and put on the band-aid. Brett flinched as it stung, but let him do it anyway.
"And I'm saying you don't need to apologize to me", Eddy said, placing a gentle kiss on Brett's forehead and helped Brett up. "You know this was stupid, and I really hope you won't do it again."
Brett didn't look up at Eddy, feeling shameful. Yes, he did know it was stupid.
"Thank you for not being mad", he mumbled, and Eddy pulled him into another hug.
"I wouldn't be mad at you for that, Brett", Eddy sighed, kissing his head. "I just wish you'd talk to me instead of doing this."
Brett hid his face in Eddy's shoulder again, closing his eyes.
"I'm sorry", Brett mumbled again, feeling more like an idiot than before.
"Let's go back to bed, yeah?" Eddy suggested, and Brett nodded quietly, letting Eddy lead him back to bed.