Denial - a Breddy fanfic

25.

Brett didn't feel anything. He didn't feel happiness, he didn't feel sadness. He did not feel stress, and not really comfort either. Worst of them all he did not feel anything when Eddy was around. Except maybe some guilt. The only positive thing about this seemed to be that the voice for the most part shut up. For the most part. Except when Eddy showed some obvious signs of wanting to be with him more intimately, and Brett just didn't feel it.
A good example of this was when he felt Eddy's arms sneak around his waist, and his soft lips against his cheek. This should have caused his stomach to turn upside down and his cheek to turn bright pink. Only four weeks ago that's what would have happened. But it didn't. And he felt somewhat guilty about it.

He knew when it started, but he didn't know why. It had happened gradually, when his happiness disappeared when Eddy left one night they had stayed at Brett's house. Then, his stress disappeared. He had been stressed about the concert in Norway, but suddenly he didn't really care. Whatever happened, would happen.
He hadn't told Eddy about this yet, thinking he might be hurt if he knew about the lack of feelinhmgs towards him. Brett was sure he should have been feeling something, but he couldn't force it to happen either, so he pulled away from Eddy. It was a bit exciting every time he'd meet Eddy again after being apart. Maybe this time, he'd feel the butterflies in his stomach when Eddy's arms wrapped tightly around him? It hadn't happened yet though, but maybe the travel would ease up his brain a bit?

When they eventually got to the airport, they learned that their flight had been delayed. Eddy freaked out, because they would likely mias their connecting flight as well, but Brett couldn't make himself feel much as Eddy took the discussion with the poor lady behind the airline counter. She seemed stressed, probably from all the irritated customers she had to deal with.
After zoning out of the conversation for a while, Brett came back to hearing Eddy's stressed voice talking loudly to the lady, who seemed to be answering as best as she could. Brett tugged on Eddy's sleeve to get his attention.
"Eddy, it's fine. Let's just go sit down. I'm sure they'll do anything to get us going." He looked Eddy in the eyes, and they were sparkling. Brett knew his eyes appeared dead, but he didn't really have the energy to fake it.
Eddy nodded and they went to find some place to sit in the busy airport. They had decided not to seem public just yet, but Brett could feel Eddy's hand brushing against his while they were walking. He knew he wanted him to take his hand, but Brett didn't feel like dealing with strangers staring right now, so he ignored it.

When they found a place to sit, Eddy immediately rested his head og Brett's shoulder. Brett let him.
"Bretty?" he mumbled, while a group of people ran past them, probably to catch their flight. Brett followed them with his eyes, sporting his signature deadpan face.
"Hm?" he answered Eddy flatly, as he didn't find the energy to do much more. He felt bad for sounding uninterested in what Eddy was saying, but it really took him so much energy to just exist.
"Why won't you touch me anymore?" The sadness in Eddy's voice felt like a sting to Brett's heart. A feeling! Feelings was something he hadn't experienced in a long time, but this was definitly not the kind of feeling he wanted.
"I am touching you now?" Brett suggested, even though he knew that was not what Eddy had meant. Sure, they were touching, but Brett had usually been the first to wrap his arms around Eddy, to lean in for a kiss, to caress his cheek. Eddy just sighed at the response and went quiet for a while. Brett didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He thought maybe that he should have, but what could he possibly say?
Eddy was the one to break the silence, after a while.
"Are you okay, Brett?" The question was innocent enough, but after all the years they had known each other, Brett knew that Eddy sensed something was up. He knew something was going on in his mind that he didn't talk about.
"Do you want to have this conversation here?" Brett asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing towards the other people at the airport who was sitting around them, walking past, talking to their fellow travelers. In general being busy.
"If it would give me back my Brett, then sure", Eddy mumbled, but he didn't get any reply.