Denial - a Breddy fanfic

162.

Brett examined the half of a pill in his palm, turning it and rolling it into his other palm. He knew he should take it, but the voice was rather vocal about everything that would go wrong if he did. Eddy was still there, sitting across from him in the cantina.

"What are you thinking?" Eddy asked softly, studying Brett's deadpan face. He hoped to find something that would give his thoughts away, but found nothing.
"That I should take the pill," Brett replied quietly. It wasn't a lie. Eddy nodded. They had been sitting there for twenty minutes already with Brett hesitant to move further and actually get the pill down. Eddy was patient, more patient than Brett really believed he deserved at this point. He didn't need the voice to tell him that.

"What's stopping you?" Eddy asked, leaning his head on his hand. He didn't sound accusatory, but rather like he didn't understand and wanted to learn more about him.
Brett sighed, feeling silly for stalling.
"The voice. It's reminding me of all the times it has helped me. I won't have that."
"It helps you?"
"Yeah, stops me from messing up our relationship and stuff. Makes sure I don't do something stupid that could hurt you," Brett mumbled, putting the pill down on the table. "Not that I would ever want to hurt you, but sometimes you just don't think before you act, you know."

Eddy reached over the table and took Brett's hand in his.
"I know you wouldn't want to hurt me, but I'm sure it'll be fine even without it stopping you."
Brett looked down at their hands, licking his lower lip nervously.
"I just don't know if I want to risk it. You're my everything, Eddy, I don't want to risk hurting you."

Eddy ran his thumb over the back of Brett's hand, trying his best not to let his emotions force their way through his calm exterior.
"I... Uh..." he began, running his other hand through his hair. "I'm going to be completely honest, okay? As it is right now, it hurts me more that you'd rather have the voice than come home to me. I know it's hard to just change stuff, but... but..."
He couldn't contain his tears anymore, reaching up to wipe them on his sleeve. Brett tilted his head down to stare at the table.
"But it's so hard without you, Brett. I miss you every day and I just don't see a point in getting up and doing stuff without you there. I know it's selfish, I know, I just... "

Brett reached over and wiped Eddy's tears with a shaky hand. The voice was yelling at him in his head for making Eddy cry.
"I'm sorry, Eddy. I'll take the pill, I'll do my best to get better. I'm so sorry, please don't cry..." he whispered shakily, reaching for the plastic cup of water. "See, I'll take it, see?"
He put the pill in his mouth and swallowed it with water, the voice cursing him out for it. Tears ran down his face as he did the opposite of what the voice was telling him to. Everything hurt.
"S... See, Eddy? I'll get home to you, okay? I'll... I'll fix it, I'll get better, okay? I'm so sorry."

Eddy quickly stood up and half ran around the table. He sat down next to Brett and pulled him into a tight hug.
"It's okay, Brett, I know you're doing your best. I'm sorry", he whispered in his ear, feeling Brett grab a fistful of his sweater.
"Anything for you, Eddy," Beett whispered shakily, burying his face in the crook of Eddy's neck. "Anything."