Denial - a Breddy fanfic

44.

Eddy stopped at the large open concrete space called Festplassen across the road from the small park with the second statue of Edvard Grieg and a large music pavillion. Brett turned around when his partner stopped and saw that he had started to hyperventilate. His eyes were wide, staring at something behind Brett, and his hands shook even more than they had during the rehearsal.
"Eddy?" Brett asked before taking a step towards him and stretching an arm out to rub his upper arm. Eddy evaded the touch.
"Don't touch me!" he almost screamed at him with tears flowing. Brett recognized the panic in Eddy's shifting eyes, but didn't know why he suddenly reacted like this. He followed his terrified stare to the pavillion, but that only confused Brett even more.
"Eddy, love, what's wrong?" he said softly, taking a careful hold of Eddy's shaking hand. Eddy let him, but it felt like he wanted to pull away from any touch. "Breathe, Eddy, I'm here. Breathe with me, come on." Brett's voice were calm and assuring, but Eddy just cried harder. After a while, he held Eddy's hand softly and lead him to a concrete bench nearby. He had him sit down, and sat down with him.
"Shh, love..." he whispered and hugged him. He felt Eddy struggle to try and get out of his grip, but he held on, eventually feeling him settle down in his arms. The younger boy was still shaking slightly in his arms, but his crying stopped and his breathing became calmer. He kissed his forehead lightly.
"What's wrong, Eddy? Please tell me..." he pleaded, but that only caused Eddy to cry again.
"I... I'm... I'm so sorry... I..." Eddy stuttered out, and Brett had a quick flashback to that time at the café when he had been in Eddy's position.
"Why are you sorry, Eddy?" Brett mumbled, still with his calming low voice. He wiped away some tears from Eddy's face with his thumb, ignoring the stares of a passing group of old ladies in colourful rain coats. He tried to assuringly stroke his upper arm again, but he flinched at the touch. "And what's wrong with your arm?"

"I... I shouldn't have... drunk so much... I..." Eddy sobbed and hid his head in Brett's chest. He didn't notice the raindrops' slowly increasing rythm as they hit his back. Brett's arms were comforting, but he felt guilty for using him to feel better. He didn't deserve to feel better after he had let... let... it... happen. He shouldn't have had so much to drink, he shouldn't have allowed Chris to take him home, he should have shouted for help or fought harder or...
"Did something happen on the way back?" Brett's voice was calm, but Eddy was sure it wouldn't be if he told him what had happened. He felt his hand shaking again, taking a handful of Brett's sweater and curling it into a ball in his palm. The memory of Chris' body pressing against his struck his brain like a lightning.
Eddy opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out but another sob. He tried again. "P...please... don't hate me", he whispered and felt Brett hold him tighter.
"Eddy, I could never hate you. I love you. Please, what's bothering you?"
"H...he... Ch... Chr... Chris..." Eddy stuttered out, and immediately felt Brett's mood shift from soft and worried to angry.
"What did he do?" Brett demanded, but that did nothing but open the flow of Eddy's tears again. Eddy felt the shift, and Brett's arms didn't feel as comforting anymore.
"Eddy, what did he do?" he demanded again, softer this time, taking Eddy's face carefully in his hands. Eddy could feel the slight tremble of Brett's hands, knowing he was trying not to show his anger. He had never seen Brett angry like this before. Annoyed, sure, irritated, sure. Angry? Never.
"I... he..." Eddy stuttered, not sure how to explain. He felt like the world was staring at them, even though it was probably only the pidgeons who cared about their presence. "He t... touched... me... like that... I..." Eddy admitted, voice shaking. He was certain Brett would hate him now for letting that happen, that he had lied again and that it was his fault for even getting them to the party in the first place. Brett didn't respond at all, only disappearing into his own mind.
"I... I'm sorry, Brett... I shouldn't have... drunk..." Eddy sobbed silently, searching Brett's eyes for the building hatred he likely felt towards him.