Denial - a Breddy fanfic

125.

They found and made an appointment for the following week with a therapist that very day, despite three rounds of crying and a panic attack from Brett. It had to be done, both of them knew that, but they had different reasons. Eddy knew they had to do that so Brett could get help, to get better and be the calm and happy Brett Eddy knew. Brett knew he had to see a therapist so Eddy would love him again.

"You want some breakfast?" Eddy asked on the day of Brett's appointment, but the smaller man, who looked even smaller than usual today, just shook his head.
"Come on, you need to eat. It'll help you get better", Eddy tried to coax, and he could see Brett stiffen at the words "get better".
"Okay", Brett whispered, biting his tongue. He had to get better so Eddy would move him again, and Eddy said he had to eat to get better.
A couple of minutes later, Eddy placed a plate with some eggs in front of Brett with a smile.
"Hope it doesn't taste horrible, I did my best", he said, kissing the top of Brett's head. Brett nodded quietly and took the smallest bite of the food he could manage.
Why didn't you cook breakfast yourself instead of treating Eddy like a slave again?
Brett winced at the sound of the voice. It had been quiet all morning, ever since he finally fell asleep from exhaustion in Eddy's arms last night. He was so scared of seeing a therapist, scared of being labeled crazy or to just be told it was nothing, that he was just overreacting. He had told Eddy this, but not even Eddy's calm assurance convinced him otherwise.
"Not liking the eggs?" Eddy asked after watching Brett chew on the tiniest piece for several minutes, and Brett hurried to take another bite.
"Nono, sorry, they're perfect. I'm sorry", he said quickly, feeling the hand that held the fork tremble. Eddy leaned over the table and placed a hand om Brett's arm.
"Bretty, love, you don't need to apologize. There's nothing to apologize for", he said softly, seeing a tear escape Brett's eyes.
"I'm sorry", he whispered, pulling his arm away from Eddy's touch. Eddy didn't love him. Not yet, not until he got better.

Hours later they stood in a waiting room, waiting for their turn by the front desk behind behind a young girl who was there with what looked like an older sister. Most of the people in the waiting room looked like people with real problems. A middle aged man regularily taking a sip from a hipflask he hid under his coat, a young boy currently having a screaming fit directed towards what looked like his mother, and the girl in front of them in the queue picking on a scab on her arm.
Look at you wasting people's time like this. What are you even doing here? Eddy won't love you anyway.

Eddy felt Brett tense up and placed an arm around his waist to calm him down, which didn't really make it better but at least it seemed to prevent it from getting worse. The giel in front of them moved to sit down with her sister and the middle aged lady behind the desk waved them towards them.
"Good morning, who are we seeing today?" she asked with a kind smile, looking from one to the other. Eddy encouraged Brett to talk, but he had shut down completely at this point.
"Uhm, it's him. Brett Yang", Eddy finally said, nodding towards Brett who's breathing was accelerating into what Eddy recognized as a beginning panic attack. He tightned his grip around his waist, hoping they could get to sit down soon so they could breathe through it like they had a couple of days ago.
"Alright, just a second", she said, typing something into her computer and reaching behind her into a tray containing a couple of clipboards with some paperwork on them. Brett was really losing it now, and Eddy could feel it despite Brett's calm expression outwards.
"There you go, fill this in, give it to me when you're done and dr. Davies will come see you soon", she said, handing it to Eddy but smiling at Brett.
"Thank you", Eddy said with a small smile, leading the faltering man in his arms to the furthest corner of the waiting room to sit down.

"Brett look at me", he said quietly and calmly, still holding his hand between his. "Let's do some breathing, yeah?"
Brett shook his head hard, with tears now streaming down his face.
"I'm just wasting their time, Eddy, they probably have people with real problems waiting while they're seeing me, I don't... I mean..." he whispered, trying not to attract any extra attention and by doing so waste more people's time.
"Shh, Brett, what you're going through is real too. Come on, breathe with me. It'll help you feel better", Eddy said before demonstratively taking a deep breath. The last sentence Eddy said worked like a spell on Brett, and he immediately did what he said. He had to. He had to get better so Eddy would love him again.