Denial - a Breddy fanfic

43.

The walk to the rehearsal was dreadful, and it took every ounce of strenght Eddy had not to cry as they walked past the pavillion. Just the sight of it brought him back to the night before. He felt guilty, and no matter how much he had scrubbed in the shower that morning he could still feel Chris' hands all over him, his back pressed hard against the metal of the lamp post. The tickling of the leaves of the bush he was hidden in. The headache was awful, but for that he faulted himself for accepting any alcohol last night. The headache wasn't the only thing he faulted himself for. When he woke up that morning and felt an arm around his waist like a dead snake he immediately felt like puking. He knew, logically, it was Brett's, but the guilt and the flashbacks were too much for him and he had rushed to the bathroom, tears threatning to flow as he fell to his knees and puked into the porcelaine throne.

At the rehearsal, he felt Victoria's look drilling into the back of his head. She had tried to approach him during the break, but he didn't really feel like talking to anyone. All he wanted was to curl up in bed and hide from the world, hide from Brett, hide from the images of the large man towering over him. Here at the concert hall there were no places to hide. There were always people around, no matter how far you went to avoid them. All the unknown people around made him unsure and anxious, worried someone would pull him aside. Worried it would happen again. He tried to stay within sight of Brett without actually talking to Brett to feel safer, which was hard because every time Brett spotted him he would come to talk. What would he even say to Brett about his strange behaviour? That he had allowed something unspeakable to happen? He tried to act normal, but everything felt wrong and his arm hurt. He had looked at the bruise in the mirror that morning, and it looked like his arm was stained purple. It gave him shaky bow during playing, and his mind gave him shaky voice while conversing. Everything felt shaky, all the time. It probably didn't help that eating reminded him of Chris' tongue being forced into his mouth.

Brett had noticed Eddy's strange behaviour. The first few hours he thought he might just be hangover from the day before, but when he kept jumping every time someone touched him slightly he realized something was not right. Luckily, Brett's mood had remained stable except for some annoyance over the thundring headache he had from being hangover himself, so he had the mental capacity to worry about Eddy. The voice in his head was loud and clear, though, but Brett managed to ignore it for the most part even when it tried to tell him Eddy was acting weird because of him. 

Eddy wouldn't tell him anything. He kept repeating "everything's fine, nothing has happened, don't worry" in a loop before disappearing for Brett again. The only time he was able to see Eddy during this rehearsal was when they were playing together. What did he even mean by "nothing has happened"? He seemed fine when he went home from the party, a bit sleepy when Brett eventually got to the hotel perhaps, but seemed to be just drunk and tired. Then out of the blue, this morning, he was acting all strange all of a sudden.

"Hey, Brett?" he heard from the door of the wardrobe. He had been pacing around after the rehearsal was done, not really knowing what to do with himself. He turned around and saw the tall blonde girl, Victoria. She had the same worried look as Brett, which didn't make Brett feel better at all.
"Yeah?" he asked, already knowing what she wanted.
"Do you know what's up with Eddy?" Her soft voice sounded worried. "He won't talk to me, and I'm not sure if I did something wrong or something... Did something happen after I left the party?"
The conversation was cut short by mr Gardner entering, with the same worried look Victoria had earlier. Victoria was given a sign to leave him and Brett for a second, and she obeyed him. He was the conductor after all. Gardner shut the door behind him and signalled for Brett to sit down on the single couch in the room. He did, and waited for the conductor to speak. 

"There seems to be something going on with the two of you, Brett. First of all: Are you feeling better?" Brett was taken aback. How did he even know about how he had felt? He wasn't supposed to know, Eddy had promised not to tell.
"Hey, I have eyes, alright?" he said as if he could read his mind after studying his face for a second. "Are you feeling better?"
The conductor, who was obviously older than Brett but not really OLD as you would imagine conductors to be seemed kind and caring. Brett didn't feel worried about telling him, really.
"Yeah, thanks" he said, actually meaning it. He felt okay himself, but he was worried about Eddy.
Gardner nodded. "That's good, everything sounds better when the musicians are feeling good about themselves. When they are alright, you know?" Brett nodded, not really able to argue with that logic.
"But what is up with mr Chen's arm?" Garden asked all of a sudden, confusing Brett. He furrowed his brows.
"His... arm, sir?" he asked. Nothing was wrong his his arm that Brett knew of? Not that he had noticed, anyway. And he would know if something had happened before the party at least, seeing as they had been... together...
Gardner's answer snapped Brett out of his thoughts. "It's as if it hurts him to play. He won't tell me anything, but he wasn't like this yesterday. Try and figure it until tomorrow, yeah?"
Brett just nodded. He felt like the way they acted was very unprofessional, and he would be very surprised if they were ever asked to play with a professional orchestra again after the events here. 
"Let me know if there's anything you guys need. I sense something's up, and I prefer my solists happy and thriving." Mr Gardner gave him a friendly wink before getting out of the couch and leaving Brett to his thoughts.