Denial - a Breddy fanfic

170.

The night was quiet again. He hated the quiet nights, hated the silence. It reminded him of how lonely he was without Eddy, how dependent he had become on Eddy, how everything in his life would be ripped away if Eddy decided he wasn't worth it anymore.

His breathing accelerated as the panic set in. Of course Eddy would decide he wasn't worth it eventually. He wasn't even worth it now. Why would anyone want to be with a lunatic like him?

He was interrupted by his phone ringing, surprisingly as it was just past midnight. It snapped him out of it for just a moment and he reached out to answer it without looking at who was calling.

"H... Hello...?" Brett stuttered, failing to make his breath control work with him. He felt like an idiot, not even able to speak properly. The vouce would have berated him for that.
"Hello Brett! How are you?" he heard a familiar voice in the other end, causing him to sit up more properly in surprise.
"B... Berit?" he asked in disbelief. "Oh my god, it's you."
"Yes, it's me! How are you, boy?"

Brett wanted to both laugh and cry at this point. He was so happy she had called, but at the same time he was in no state to talk to her.
"I... I'm fine... Yeah..." Brett stuttered, amd Berit sighed in the other end.
"What's happening? I've lived too long for boys like you to lie without getting caught!"
Brett couldn't help but laugh at that. She had a point.
"Okay okay. I just didn't want to worry you," he admitted with a sigh. "I'm not really fine, but I'm working on it. Trying anyway."
"Oh Bretty, tell me what's been happening since last time we spoke. You sound like you need it. I'm just stirring my lapskaus anyway!"

Brett told her everything from how they had moved in together, about therapy, about Mike, about his suicide attempt, about the ward. He mentioned the medication, how it affected him and he told her about how he was scared Eddy would decide he wasn't worth it. Most of the time he was crying.

"Ah but Bretty, you're being silly," she gently scolded him. "And I think you know that too. Of course you're gonna be fine, and you boys will have a lovely wedding. That's the point of a wedding, right? To promise to go through everything together, right?"

"Y... Yeah I guess, but..."

"No but! He did say yes to marrying you, did he not?"

"He did, but..."

"Ah, but then your problems are his problems now! And wice versa, don't forget that!"

Brett nodded to himself.
"I know, that's one of the problems. I don't know how to help him through things, it's like I'm always the weak one. And I guess I am, but I want to be equal to him, you know?"

Berit made a sound of thinking, and he could hear her scramble around in a drawer as she spoke.
"You can't make him lean on you, Bretty. Maybe what he needs right now is that you take care of yourself?"

Brett considered that for a moment. Eddy had said that a lot, but the way Berit put it made so much sense. Eddy would feel better about talking about his problems if Brett's problems didn't exist. It made sense.

"You're probably right, as always," he admitted with a tiny smile, followed by a yawn.
"Of course I am! Now, isn't it midnight in Australia now? Go to bed, silly! I guess it was my fault for calling so late, but I just remembered how long it's been since I checked on you."
"Thank you, Berit. Always a life saver."
"Yes yes, now goodnight!"
"Night," Brett responded just before the click, lowering his phone slowly.

Surprisingly, he actually felt sleepy, and curled up under the covers. It wasn't even minutes before he was out like a light, sleeping soundly through the night for the first time in a while.