"If only I've made better choices.
If only I was wise enough.
Would things be better than this?
Would I be happy then?"- I F O N L Y -
NAKATULALA SI ROSE habang nakaupo sa sofa ng inuupahang apartment ng kanyang pamilya. Hawak-hawak niya ang isang bote ng alak na nangalahati na ang laman. Mugto ang mga mata at magulo ang buhok. Nang tinitigan niya ang sarili kanina sa salamin ay halos hindi niya na makilala kung sino ang kanyang kaharap.
She ended up staring at herself for minutes.
Walang tigil ang kanyang mga luha sa pagtulo. Umiyak siya nang umiyak.
She keeps on asking herself why did she end up like this. Ano'ng nangyari at ganito ang kanyang kinahantungan? How could she let shits happen to her? How did she manage to not mind every little details that had happened in her life? If only she made better choices. If only she acted wise and tough. If only she wasn't too weak.
Pero hindi. Siguro dapat lang na maramdaman niya ang sakit, pait at paghihirap na nararamdaman niya ngayon. Dahil desperada siya. Makasarili. Mang-aagaw. At higit sa lahat, walang silbi.
Wala siyang ibang magagawa dahil kasalanan din naman niya kung bakit ganito ang kanyang kinahantungan ngayon.
And at this moment, she feels horrible.
Looking back a year ago, she was different from what she is now. And definitely different from what and who she portrays herself to be in the future.
──◎──
MALAKI ANG NGITI ni Rose habang hinahalo ang chocolate frappe na kanina pa niya inorder. Tumango-tango siya bilang pagsagot sa tanong ng kaibigang si Sydney. Nakataas ang kilay nito at bahagyang nakalukot ang mukha.
"Rose, seryoso na 'to. 'Wag mo kaming ginu-good time."
Mas lalo lang siyang nangiti. Masyado bang nasobrahan ang ngiti niya kanina at naging hindi kapani-paniwala? Geez, she's telling the truth. Natanggap siya sa isa sa mga sikat na kompanya kung saan pinapangarap nilang magkakaibigan na makapagtrabaho.
She pouted. Pagkatapos ay mabilis na ipinakita ang email na natanggap. Nang hindi pa nakuntento si Sydney at tinitigan lang ang email, binasa niya na lang ito.
"Good day, Ms. Rosette Resuelo. The management of CFY General Merchandise formally informs you that your application has been approved. You garnered the highest score during the evaluation and interview. With that, we are glad to inform you that you've been hired as the new financial assistant of the company. You can report on duty next week. We hope─"
"OH MY! Seriously? Natanggap ka talaga?"
Tuluyang nalukot ang mukha ni Rose. Ayaw pa rin tumigil ni Sydney sa pangungulit. Hindi lang ata siya ang nababanas na ngayon dahil si Shai–na nasa tabi niya, na kanina ay nakamasid lang habang ine-enjoy ang relaxing ambiance ng coffee shop na tinatambayan nila ngayon–ay nagsalita na.
BINABASA MO ANG
A Lover's Rose (Published Under IMMAC)
ChickLitLove comes with pain and a lot more. For Rosette, loving someone would mean giving everything that she's got. She loves too much that she sometimes drags herself onto a mess, absentmindedly losing herself in the process just to have the man that her...