His Lil Thug

085

London POV
-2 days later
I was deep in my thoughts . Didn't wanna talk to nobody... kept myself off of social media. Something just didn't seem right with Antwan's death...it was just so sudden.
He's having a funeral and ion even wanna go to that.. I just wanna keep my distance from everybody. This shit hit me mad hard. My baby is gone...like...that's hard to believe. I've just been laying in my bed thinking. Maybe a little bit too much though.
"London! Can I come in?" Alexis said from behind the door. She's been with me since yesterday and brought Nova with her.
"Yea.." she walked in and opened the door
"How you holding up baby?"
"Not well.."
"You going to his funeral?"
"Ion even wanna talk about it Lex. It's too much."
"You gotta talk it about it boo. It's not good to hold it all in." When she said that I just broke down tears. When I heard he passed I cried but not as much as I expected & all the tears I held up then... are coming out now.
"My baby Lex.. he's fuckin gone. This shit is crazy.."
She just listened to me as I ranted to her.
"Like he was really my best friend Lex. This shit don't make no sense. I miss my baby. We were supposed to raise the twins together. Talked about our plans together and allat & now he's gone. Just like that. I would've thought I had way longer with him... he was only 19.." the tears started to run down my face even more.
"I know pooh , and I know you're hurting. I wouldn't even be able to understand the pain.. but you gotta be strong for Mekai and Milan.. and Antwan. He wouldn't wanna see you like this boo. I know you miss him... I do London."
"I'm trying. I really am Alexis but that shit took a toll on me bruh. My whole heart.. really."
She just gave me a long hug because she didn't really know what to tell me..
"Listen..this shit might sound mad corny but .. write about how you feel. Right all of it down and put it somewhere safe. It might make you feel a little bit better.. I'll leave you in here , okay?"
I nodded. She walked out and shut the door. She told me to write and I did just that. I got up and got a notebook and got out a pencil and started to write.

Dear Antwan ,
I would've never thought I would lose you so soon. I want to believe that you're still here.. I miss you every second of the day. You were and still are my whole heart. Even though we argued about the little shit almost 24/7 .. if I could just get those times back.
Every time I see Mekai I see you. I love you so much baby.. this shit don't even seem real. I miss you so damn much.. nobody understands how much I love you. Shit I don't even think you knew how much I loved you. I was so grateful to even get to know you or to say I love you at all. I just wish you were here.. ion know how ima go on without you, but ima keep grinding just for you And the twins. Long live you baby... this shit is a different kind of pain... see you on the other side baby boy.

I close my notebook and put it on my shelf. I laid back down and just cried myself back to sleep...never felt this kind of pain before.