4 A.M. Thoughts

Thoughts pt. 2

I call these thoughts but in reality they are just memories.

Not really thoughts...

Anyway, how am i supposed to get through this without you?

It might sound selfish,

But i dont think i can.

It hurts way too much.

I might not have known you long,

but you really helped me.

I didnt really cry when i found out

but i did on your birthday.

And many times after that.

But i couldnt show my pain.

Because i dont have that right.

But he does.

And he might not show it,

But he is still hurting.

I wish i knew how to help him.

I've tried.

I know you thought i was strong,

and i really hope you still think that because i need someone to believe in me.

To show me a path.

To show me that with time,

things will get better.

Because right now,

I barely have hope.

Im trying my hardest to keep the promise i made.

Because i know you wouldn't want me to give up.

Right now though,

its really fucking hard.

But im still trying to pull through.

For you

Because it would make you happy.

So i wont.

I wont give up.

Because you told me i was strong

and i am determined to show you its true.

You have never proven me wrong before.

I hope you were right about this too...

just stay with me through this.

Please.

Just dont go away.

I cant actually see you anymore,

but i hope you are still there.

I dont want to lose you a second time.

It wouldnt necessarily be losing you,

but thats what it feels like.

I might not know if you are actually with me,

but i have the memories of you.

So in a way,

you will always be with me.

I just wish i had reassurance.

But i will take what i can get.

I miss you.

And everyday is going to be a struggle without you,

but i will get through it.

I hope you're proud of me.....