4 A.M. Thoughts

If only

If only i could stop this mess

If only i could change my feelings

If only i did more

If only it would work

If only i could say what i truly want

What if i did?

What if it actually worked

What if i talked more about it

What if....

There are so many if onlys and what ifs
If i typed them all
We would be here forever
It would eventually make a magical story

But this is reality
Where everything is cold and brutal
I dont like reality
I like my dreamlike

In dreamlike
Wishes could come true
And there was hope

In reality
Hope is a distant thing
And any ounce you had
Will be crushed
Your demons catch you here
And they tug on your heart
Reminding you of what once was

But they tell you
What once was
Was also a dream
And you never actually had it
It just felt like you did
They wake you up from the best dream
And show you the true nightmare

I dont like this nightmare
I want things to go back to the way they were

Oh but reality says different
It says fight
And maybe
Just maybe you will get what you want
And when you are right there
Right at the finish line
Reality wakes you up
From yet another dream

One day you will realize
Reality is cruel
And only makes it seem
That you can have things
But then reminds you
That dreamlike is in the past
You are in the present
And your future is nothing yet
And there is nothing
Nothing you can do
To stop it