4 A.M. Thoughts

Its something

The voices in my head are constantly fighting against each other, but there is one subject that they can agree upon. And it scares me when they get along, because then it goes completely silent. Its like there is nothing there. After they go silent, i start to think. The longer they stay quiet, the more i think. And the things i think about arent bad, they just arent realistic. All they are  are just thoughts. And dreams. Things i want to happen, but never will because i am to much of a coward to act on these thoughts. Because its easier to just sit and deal with the pain by myself than actually admit anything. So thats what i do. I just sit and dont say what i really want to say. But then the voices come back and they will push themselves forward and give tiny hints about what i am feeling. Because they arent cowardly. They dont have anything to lose, but i do. I thought i lost everything that was important to me, but i was incredibly wrong. This thing i cannot lose. And i wont. So i make sure that the voices only drop small hints so nothing major drops. And the process of my mind will start over and over again. Its like a video on loop. You already know what will happen after watching it, but you can't really make it stop. Well you could, but you dont want to. Or you just dont know how.