4 A.M. Thoughts

I miss you....

Hey.....
I miss you
It still hurts
A lot...
I wish i could text you
And i wish you would respond
But you wont
You cant....
I could text you
But you wouldnt be able to respond....
Occasionally i want to
Then i remember
It wouldnt be right
I would just end up crying
Wishing you were here
Kind of like i am now....
I wasnt prepared to lose you so soon
I was supposed to be able to see you
We were supposed to celebrate your birthday
We were gonna have fun
It was one week
ONE WEEK
I was going to see you
But you left one week before i could....
I know it wasnt your fault
Im not saying it is
Im saying it still hurts
I dont think its ever going to stop
I should have called more...
I should have
Now i cant do that
And it breaks my heart
I couldnt even go to the funeral...
I had to stay here
And when i tell you i cried
I mean i was screaming
While tears were streaming down my face
I couldn't stop
And i was alone
All alone...
Im sorry
I should be stronger than this
You told me i was
One of the strongest people you had met
I want to believe it
Because it was the last thing you told me
But its hard
Im struggling right now
And i really need your advice
I cant go to anyone else right now
You said i could always talk to you
So....
I need to talk to you
I need you to listen
I need your help
Because it hurts to even breathe right now
I miss you so much
And i just want to see you
Even if it was just one more time
I need to hear your voice
And tell me its going to be okay
Right now
I dont believe anyone else
When i lost you
I lost the best mother figure i had
But i also lost my bestfriend
And i dont know which one hurts more...

Hey Nikki....
I miss you
I wish you were here
I need you....
And you arent here....
I dont know who to go to...
Im completely lost
So im writing this..
In some sort of hope
That you can somehow hear me
Because i need your help
I dont know what to do
Help me...
Somehow
I know this is crazy
Because you probably cant hear me
Or even see me
But im trying
Its something right?
And something is what i need right now...
I miss you Nikki...
And hopefully i will see you
Sooner than later..