4 A.M. Thoughts

Um.....

At this point
I dont care if you read this
Because im going to end up losing you
I already am...

We had a conversation
Months ago
And i told you exactly how i felt
And you said some things
Things that kind of gave me hope
Because even though it was hard,
I was willing to fight for you
Because i loved you
And you knew just how broken i was
You knew what it took to break my walls
And you took that to your advantage
You broke my walls
I was vulnerable to you
You told me you wouldnt hurt me
And for a long time
You didnt
You promised
But that all changed
And i guess that was my fault
Because i wasnt enough
Or you just didnt love me
Maybe you never did....

I gave you my all
All of my love
Everything
You were my world
And i was willing to do anything for you
But that wasnt enough

I was still broken
Like a broken vase
I was barely holding myself together
With tacky glue
The glue used on gift cards

My only guess
Is you didn't want to put up with that
Because after that
Things started changing
You started pushing me away..
I tried so hard
To understand what i did
But i didnt do anything
Not that i know of anyway...

Now we barely talk
And when we do
Other people drag you away
So all i say is goodbye
Or talk to you later
Even though i know
You will always be preoccupied

Now i sit on the sidelines
Waiting for something that wont happen
Because you keep pushing me away
Everytime i think maybe
Maybe i can come back into your life
Im instantly proved wrong
Its like im not even there...

At this point
Im completely invisible
I tried to get you to see that
But how can you see something invisible?
You cant

I made two promises
One: im not going to leave
Two: I will always love you
And i havent broken them yet
But I guess you dont care about the first one
Because you are pushing me away
And the second one was thrown
Out the fucking window

Why would i tell you i still love you?
There isnt any point
Because even though i do
You dont care
You dont really care about alot anymore..

And if you end up leaving
Because i wrote this
Then so be it
Because im just being honest
And if honesty causes me to lose a friend
Then maybe
Just maybe
You were already lost...
I sure hope not though....