4 A.M. Thoughts

Last night

I sat in the dark
I listened to music
But at this point it was just noise
The noise was nice

He walked in
Asked why i was sitting in the dark
And asked if i was okay

It took a moment for me to respond
But i did
I said yeah
I was fine

He looked me in my eyes
And asked me again
I know he noticed
The tear running down my cheek
He notices everything

He walked over
Sat on my bed
And asked again

This time he knew
My silence said it all
I didnt dare speak
For i knew what i would say
Instead, i just sat there
Hoping he wouldnt say a thing

But he did
And he asked more questions
That i didnt know the answers to
So i responded with a broken
I dont know..

He sighed and asked again
And i responded just the same
Because i dont know

All i know is im broken
And scared
And im reliving things
Only in my head

But how can i tell him that
When he is going through his own shit
That is far worse than mine

I cant
And i wont
So i told him i was fine
I would always be fine

He seemed okay with that answer
He gave me a hug
And left the room

After he left
I broke
Even more than i already was
And suddenly
I was silently screaming
Because now
I cant do anything

Im lost
And im realizing
I was never found to begin with