4 A.M. Thoughts

Thoughts part 3

You will never actually ask
But the reason i dont talk to you
Is because you never cared
Everything came before me
My sister did
Your countless affairs did
Drugs did too
And then you would lie
And tell me you loved me
You would only tell me that
When you were high out of your mind
And i had to clean up your messes
So dad wouldnt notice too badly
When you were tweaked out
Fucking around with jewelry
I cleaned up the messes
NO ONE ELSE
JUST ME
I was there for you
Hoping you would come to your senses
But you never did
When we were alone
You locked me in my room
So you could do all the meth you wanted
And when he found the bag
You freaked out
And said he could throw it out
But it just happened again
So i cleaned up your messes again
And again
But you never noticed
You never noticed anything i did
And thats all i wanted
I wanted you to notice me
But you didnt
So i gave up
And continued to clean your messes
So i didnt have to hear fighting
If it wasnt drugs
It was guys
One after the other
And they were all "friends"
So i had to make sure my sister didnt know
Because she meant the world to you
Not me
I kept her safe
I made sure she didnt see or hear anything
I DID
NOT YOU
NOT MY BROTHER
ME
But you didnt care
Because to you
I fuck everything up
And then you have the audacity
To tell me im not doing enough
I WAS DOING EVERYTHING YOU FAILED TO DO
I WAS TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY
INCLUDING YOU
AND YOU TELL ME IM NOT DOING ENOUGH?!
NO
No...
You didnt do enough
And you just didnt want to admit it
Because your own daughter
Is a better person than you
You let drugs and sex consume you
And it broke your family
And you dont care
You claim your engaged
But the divorce isnt even over
So what the fuck is wrong with you?
You say you want to see her
But you arent doing shit
You could easily make the trip here
But thats too much work
You could gonto Florida
To see my brother graduate
But you cant come see my sister?
Good to know where your priorities are
You text me once every 6 months
And say you love me
And i say fuck off
Every
Time
Because I know you don't mean it
You never did
You neglected me
Even worse, you abused me
Physically
Mentally
Verbally
And emotionally
When i tried to tell you this
You told me it never happened
That it was all in my head
And you know what
It wasnt
You just dont know how to take the blame
You think you are the greatest person on the planet
But you arent
You are a junkie
You always have been
And soon, you will be in prison
Like you were before
And another time before that
But this time
You wont have us to bail you out
You only have your "boyfriend"
And he ain't shit
He has nothing
No money
Not even his own home
You two live with his grandma
But you tell my sister you are building your own house
Dont lie to her
Dont tell her she will be able to live with you
Because she wont
You wont have custody
Of either one of us
So the next time i dont respond to a text
Think about what you did
And maybe
Just maybe
You will realize
Just how terrible you are
And how much you fucked me up