4 A.M. Thoughts

I have no idea....

Im crumbling...
Im breaking more and more each day
This isnt a cry for attention
This is my fucking life
Whether i like it or not
Which i dont
By the way
I put on a mask and tell everyone
Im fine. Why wouldnt i be?
And they believe me
Even though it is the biggest lie i have
And i mean ever told
But they see me smile
They just dont see my pain
The one person i usually go to doesnt need to deal with my problems to
So i deal with it on my own
Even though i cant take it anymore
I fucking hate this feeling
The feeling of weakness
The overwhelming feeling of guilt
Even though none of this is my fault
I still get the goddamn blame
Like always
So someone please tell me why
Why now?
Why do i feel helpless
Why do i feel like a burden
Why am i still feeling this way
So many people seem to care
But i think they just pity me
They dont even know the full story
But what they do know
Makes them want to run
I can see it
I can feel it
And yet they stay
Because they think i will break
But they dont realize that im already broken
I just keep shattering
And i know why
I just cant fix it
So i just deal with the shards of whatever
And let them slowly sink deeper
Until i bleed out
Which isnt in the near future
So i get to be in pain
A pain nobody can fix
And i admit
It fucking sucks
But whats one more day
Year
Decade....
Of pain