4 A.M. Thoughts

What i want

You know what i want?
I want things to go back to normal
I want to be able to see you
And my first thought not be i hate you
I want forget everything
And just start over
I want just one more conversation
With so many people
I want to be able to go somewhere
And not think 'this would be better with them'
I want just one day
Where im not constantly reminded
Of who i used to be or who i talk to
I want one day to make up for the ones i missed
Thats what i want

You know what i will get?
None of it
Things wont go back to normal
I'll still think that
I will never forget
And i definitely wont start over
Im stuck
I will never be able to talk to them again
I will always think that
And i will forever be reminded of who i used to be.
I can never make up for what ive missed
Because thats not how it works

This is what im currently living with
This is my reality
And it will never get better
Thats not how it works

No matter how many times
Someone says it gets better
It never will
Because I've tried
And tried
And i always get fucked over

I always end up reliving the past before i sleep
And i wake up wondering where i am
And whats going on
I wake up screaming
Because all of that is gone
And i know i deserve it
But this is a little to much, dont you think?

But it never goes away
This is my new normal
And im the one who gets to live through it
Fun..