4 A.M. Thoughts

5 months

5 months

Thats how long i will be this way

Terrible things happen

I lose people

Every year, it doesnt change

October to February

5 months

The worst months of my life

Dont get me wrong

This time of the year is good

Nice holidays

Good weather

But its always the worst time for me

Im always at my lowest

Shit always goes wrong

During these 5 months

Ive always hated my birthday

Only because ive never had a good one

It falls right in the middle of hell

My birthday is great

But everything that happens around it

Completely ruin it

Shit happens

So im forced to get over it

But i never really do

During this time

I lose my entire support system

Im always so unstable

And i become a major bitch

I already feel myself changing

And its not fun

Im acting really bitchy

Im making my friends feel bad

They think they said

Or did something wrong

They didnt though

Its just this time period

But thats not a good reason

I cant exactly say that

Because they dont understand

5 months

Will ruin everything

Im going to lose everything

I already know it

So i say this in advance:

Im sorry

For whatever happens

For whatever i say

For whatever i do

Because i already know how this ends

Spoiler alert

I fuck everything up

I always do