4 A.M. Thoughts

Rant

All thats running in my head
Is things i want to say
But if i do
I lose literally everybody
And everyone will see
Just how truly crazy i am

But how can i stop this ranting
If i never say anything
All i want to do is talk
But i wont do that
Because whats the fucking point

There are so many things
Going through my head
I guess i deserve this torture
Because it was always my fault

I started thinking
And i shouldnt have
Because now
Now i wanna cry
And just talk to someone

Instead
I just put on music
As loud as i possibly can
But it doesnt help anymore

I want to scream
Whisper
Anything
Just to release this pain
Im tired
I want to stop feeling this way

I never really stopped feeling this way
I just had a glimpse of faith
I saw the light at the end of this tunnel

Now im trapped
It never ends
I wont let it
Because it was and still is my fault

Im the source of everyone's problems
Ive been told this multiple times
I tried apologizing
But they wouldnt forgive me

IM TRYING MY FUCKING BEST
And if you cant see that
Im sorry...
I'll try harder

I won't say anything anymore
Ill just smile
And silently scream
I dont want to ruin anything

I will go back to my robotic ways
Because human sucks
And everyone has made it clear
That im not human
Im not normal

Im sorry
I'll try harder next time
Oh right. There won't be one
Because this is it

After this
Im done
Im not needed
And i was never wanted

Its just me and Harley
Just like it was in the beginning
And it will be this way
Until the very end