4 A.M. Thoughts

Fuck this shit

Fuck this shit
Im done
Im tired of feeling this way
Im tired of appearing weak
Im tired of this time period

Fuck this shit
Because im drowing
And i cant breathe
But this feels better
Than the guilt
And the loss
And the nothingness
That is constant in my life

Fuck this shit
Because i know how this goes
Well guess what
At least this time, i see it coming

Fuck this shit
Because who are you going to take next?
Another friend?
Family member?
Little do you know
Im completely alone

Fuck this shit
Im prepared for the worst
But i dont want it to happen
This time was supposed to be different

I was supposed to change
Things were gonna change
But nope
All i want to do is go home...
Wherever that even is
Because anywhere is better than here

I dont belong here
Im an outcast
And that is crystal clear
So dont tell me i belong
Because I've never really belonged anywhere
And thats a constant

So fuck this shit
Because its coming
My end is here
And im prepared
But that doesnt mean im not terrified