All The Bright Places

Autophobia

(Unedited)

Marinette's POV

I decided to go to school the next day because I felt a little better after Chat visited me. But of course... Lila came up to me after class and shoved me to the ground. Again.

"Why are you still here? I told you to disappear. When will you ever learn?"

I tried to ignore her as she kicked me in the side before I could get up. She laughed in my face and ran off before anyone saw her. I laid on the ground in pain. Tears soaked my eyes and every limb in my body hurt. The cold ground felt good on my skin though. And I figured no one would notice me out here since school was already over. I decided to lay there until the sun began to set. My eyes were swollen and red. I finally picked myself up and began to walk home.

I crossed my arms and found myself at the so called "bridge of love" it's where couples put a lock on the bridge and throw the key into the water. I leaned against the railing, looking down at the water below. I ached everywhere. I closed my eyes and a few tear drops fell. I wondered how it would feel to just... jump.

Maybe no one liked me.

Maybe Chat is lying. 

Maybe Lila was right.

Why would anyone want to be around me?

I shook my head and started to walk again as tears fell from my eyes again. I could barely see where I was going because my vision was so cloudy and everything around me was spinning. I ran into someone hard, I mumbled an "I'm sorry" and tried to continue walking but they grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"Marinette... what happened?"
That voice... I looked up with teary eyes. Adrien.

I pushed him off as Lila's words ran through my head.
I didn't want to be around him. I didn't want him to see me like this. The faster I ran, the faster I had the urge to end my life. I wanted to cut myself again. I wasn't happy. He caught up with me and pulled me into an alley way. I wanted to scream. I was angry and upset. Why did he have to see me like this? But then again... Why did it matter?

"Hey, you're okay now."
I shook my head no, closing my eyes tightly.

"Pri... M-Mari, look at me."
He pulled my chin up and tilted his head.
"Stop crying, let's get you home. It's too cold here, you'll get sick."

He grabbed my hand and started to pull me along with him. I drug my feet until the bakery came to sight. This was so embarrassing.
"Do you need me to stay? I will if you need me to."

"No, I-I'm fine. I'll be o-okay"
I pushed by and opened the door, letting his hand go.
"Thanks, Adrien." I didn't want to look at him so instead I just looked down.

"Of course. It's not a problem. If you need me, I'm here." He smiled, pulling my chin up again.
I forced a small smile back and pulled away again, shutting the door and mumbling a small "okay."

I wanted him to stay because I hated being alone. When I was alone, that was usually when the thoughts came to mind. That's usually when I got the urge to... cut.
Instead, I laid on my bed and forced myself to sleep. I hoped the pain would go away when I woke up.

•

I woke up and trudged into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was messy and I knew I needed a shower. I turned the water on and stepped inside. The cold water stung the three new cuts, and my side ached. The whole left side of my body was bruised, black and blue. I felt bad about cutting again but I was so... in the moment. I guess I wasn't thinking straight. Maybe he just won't see it. I left my bathroom door open which caused the dim light from my balcony to shine through the shower curtain.

After I stepped out, I put some shorts and a t-shirt on. I'd rewrapped my arms so Chat couldn't see the new cuts. I sat on my bed and listened to some music until I heard a small tap.

Speak of the devil.