8:15am
"Welcome!"
The high pitched automated voice, programmed to speak everytime the door is opened, echoes in my ear.
A woman in a black business suit orders her coffee with extra whipped cream and caramel drizzle. She leaves no tip as she exits the small cafè.
"Smile."
I turn to my boss, who's my aunt Mimi. She has a large smile on her face, it could literally split her face in two.
"Come on, Jackson! Smile for me!"
My lips attempt to lift into a smile but instead they shift into a slightly curved straight line. It's hard to smile.
Especially when you're not happy.
My aunt sighs. "I got you this job, the least you could do is smile."
Once again, I attempt to do forbidden work to my face. It fails miserably.
My aunt shakes her head in disappointment, a sad expression bearing her face. I'm disappointed about myself. "Just keep working."
I nod my head as she walks away.
She can't stand me, I can tell. No one can really stand me.
I'm antisocial, a mute, a waste of breathing air. I haven't spoken many words since I was a kid. Since my parents died.
Even before they died, I've always been in my own torturous world. Doctors had told me that I was born with depression and anxiety which made my parents furious.
My mom would get so mad at me for being who I am. My dad didn't even speak to me, not once. As a child, I stayed at home by myself on many occasions.
Nobody wanted me around. I don't blame them.
My hair is always messy and flawed. My face, as my aunt would say, is handsome but ugly. If I had brighter eyes and a smile to light my face, she said I could be handsome. But that'll never happen. I've never smiled.
What is there to be happy about? I don't get it.
I watch as all these people come in and out of the cafè with bright smiles on their faces, laughter; overall happiness. My mind can't fathom how they can act such ways.
My therapist continues to tell me that there is hope in my life. That I'll find my happiness. I don't believe it.
Life is torture.
I'm only 21 and I have yet to see my purpose here. My life composes of school, work, school, work. Why am I doing this?
For money?
Why should I have money when I have no desire to spend? Why should I continue to walk on this Earth and question my existence? Why should I continue to live with this pain?
It's pointless.
I ignore the crushing pain in my chest as I stand behind the checkout counter of my aunt's notorious coffee cafè, Mimi Sweets.
"Welcome!"
Another customer.
A boy with a oversized grey sweater and black jeans skips to the counter. He has brown hair and bright brown eyes.
"Hi!" He greets me with a happy smile as his half covered hands lay on the mahogany countertop.
I nod my head and raise an eyebrow. He looks at me confused.
Most customers know that I don't talk. They enter, order, I'll had them their receipt and they'll be on their way to a table of their choice or out the front door.
"Are you deaf?" A worried expression lands on his face.
I shake my head.
"Do you not talk?" He asks again, his voice is irregularly soft.
I nod.
A visible pout lands on his face. "Why not?"
I shrug.
"Well, can I get the red velvet cake?" He points to the cake bar behind me that displays a multitude of cakes and cupcakes.
Quietly, after cutting an even slice of the red velvet cake, I place the sliced cake into the cafè's custom made to-go boxes. White and purple designs that my aunt personally made herself.
I hand him the box and he gently grabs it out of my grip.
"Thank you!" He chirps after he pays.
Just as he turns around to leave, he turns back around and rummages through his pants pocket.
"Here!"
A strawberry flavored lollipop is thrusted into my face.
"Take it. It's super yummy." He wiggles the small lollipop in his hand. I grab the candy and slightly bow in a way to say thank you.
He smiles.
"I hope you like it. Thank you again!" He bows to me and skips out of the store.
I twirl the lollipop in my hand. Strange.
Why would he give me this?
Without further thoughts, I yank the pink wrapper off of the lollipop and place the sweet, diabetic pink ball into my mouth.
I'm not necessarily a fan of candy or food in general but this lollipop is quite tasty. And it's probably the first thing someone has willingly gave to me so, I finish the entire lollipop in the mind of respect.
But yet, the sweetness is bitter. Almost poison in my mouth. Because, I don't deserve this sweetness.
Get ready for an emotional roller coaster...a sweet and painful story awaits you(':
Thanks for reading!
Baaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiieeeee
