8:55am
"Jackson, why can't I find love?" My aunt cries into her hands.
I watch her ruin her painted face as she cries and cries. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she's heartbroken. I'm glad he's gone.
He never really liked me. Always yelling at me when I'm at home, saying that as a twenty-one year old I should have my own place and pay my own bills. My aunt always told him the reason why she let me live with her, he never could understand.
"Why Jackson!" She's sobbing now.
There's nothing I can do. I simply shrug.
"Really?" She stops crying. "That's all you can do? After all I've done for you and you shrug?!" She stands up and glowers down at me as I sit on the couch in her office.
"You won't speak will you?" Tears roll down her face. I shake my head.
Her soft hand smacks my face with such force, my body jerks to the left. Her silver promise ring hitting my cheekbone.
"It's your fault!" She screams. "It's your fault he left me, it's your fault my sister is gone!"
That pain in my chest intensifies as her words sink in.
"Look at me." She grabs my chin and yanks my face to face her. "Why?"
"Why can't you talk! Just speak! Why do I do this for you? Why do I? You're doing nothing for me, you ungrateful child. You're useless!"
Aren't I? I am useless. I am a waste.
I rise off the couch and head for the door. I exit my aunt's office to let her cry about her break up. Once the day ends, she'll want to apologize.
I'll let her cool off. I'll let my mind wander.
I rest my elbow on the checkout counter and I trace the engraved patterns on the modern wood. Imagine if these carvings could be in my skin.
The pain of my skin tearing, the flow of my blood, the relief of my existence possibly ending...then aunt Mimi won't have to struggle anymore.
I don't need to be here.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I close my eyes.
Let it end...
"Good morning!"
My eyes shoot open from the now familiar voice.
The strange boy smiles at me as I meet his eyes. But his smile drops once he sees my face.
"Are you okay? Why is your cheek so red?" He gasps. "Did someone bully you? I don't like bullies." He peers into my face, worry evident in his eyes.
I shake my head.
"You can tell me." He pouts.
I refuse again.
"That suckies. Well, whenever you wanna tell me, I'll be waiting!" He smiles brightly again. How does he do that so casually?
He orders his typical slice of red velvet cake and pays as usual. He takes his container and begins to head out the door. But, he turns around to face me again. He runs back over to the checkout counter.
"Here." Another strawberry lollipop. He smiles as I take it.
"Bye stranger! I hope your day gets better!" He giggles and skips off again.
His happiness and energy will never fail to make me jealous.
"Jackson, come here." My aunt calls for me. My chest pain deepens.
Ah, that happiness and energy. I wish I could have it. This pain...
It's evil.
