8:22am
"Ooohh! You and I go to the same college!" Mark jumps up and down in the lobby of the cafè.
He whirls the napkin around that has the name of my college on it. Well, our college.
"When the new semester starts, we should go to classes together. How does that sound?" He proposes.
I nod my head. That doesn't sound half too bad.
"Yay!" Mark dances again.
The other workers in the cafè always stare at Mark as if he's insane. It's like he's literally talking to a wall with a face and a heartbeat.
I don't get why he enjoys talking to me so much.
Mark checks his phone and grabs the cup of coffee he just bought.
"Oop! I have to go. It was a good chat! Bye Jackson!" He waves to me and dashes out of the door.
"A good chat? What a joke." My coworker laughs. "You didn't say a word. That kid is weird for talking to the likes of you."
My eyes drop to the engravings on the checkout counter.
"You're so lifeless, what is there to enjoy?" Someone snorts.
"You're practically dead, you're like a zombie." Someone laughs which makes the others laugh.
"You suck."
Their repeated insults echo in my head.
I am such a failure. I'm dead, inside and out. There's nothing for me.
I remove my apron and head to the back of the cafè. I exit the back door and stare at the walls of the back alley. I slam my head against the brick wall of the building.
Why. Why must it be this painful? My chest twists and burns as my sadness takes over me.
I bash my head against the wall about ten more times until I feel woozy. My face becomes wet with a warm liquid.
"Oh Jesus! Jackson!" My aunt finds me outside on the floor as I hold my aching head and chest.
"Someone call the ambulance! Dear God, Jackson!" My aunt cradles me in her arms as I silently cry.
I black out and wake up in the hospital.
Men in white lab coats stand near the foot of my bed. I'm used to this. I won't stop trying until I succeed.
"Has he been taking his medicine?"
"I think so."
"You have to make sure he takes it. Or else-"
The doctor is cut off by me pulling the IV out of my arm and jabbing it into my neck.
Doctors and the men surround me as my neck bleeds profusely. They're trying to save me.
Please don't save me.
For the first time in my life, I scream. It's a deep, guttural scream.
21 years of this pain.
Please.
Just end it.
