3:15pm
Empty.
I feel so empty.
Everyone looks at me as I walk to Mark's casket.
Today is his funeral.
The last time I can see his face before it decays.
This pain. It's unbearable.
I see the Tuan family near Mark's casket. His mother turns to me, she's shocked by how miserable I look.
"He..." I begin to speak lowly. I look the woman who gave birth to Mark in the eyes.
"He died with a smile on his face. He was happy until his last breath."
She covers her mouth and cries.
I embrace Mark's mother. Then, I embrace Mark's father.
"Thank you for giving birth to such a great man." I bow in a 90 degree angle.
Once I raise my head again, the Tuans stare at me with respect.
"Thank you for making our Mark, happy." Tammy hugs me. Hesitantly, I hug her back.
"I feel terrible." She cries into my chest.
The last time she saw her brother was last year on Thanksgiving. She yelled at him. She made him feel pain. She made him cry uncontrollably.
But now she regrets it. She regrets yelling at him. She regrets making him feel inhuman. Because here and now, she realises how human he truly was.
She releases me from her hug and I continue to walk to the casket.
Once I reach the casket, my body shakes. My tears are hot as they wet my face. My throat lets out a blood curdling scream as I hold onto the casket.
The others at the funeral cry because of my tears.
Because of my unconditional love for this man in this casket.
Mark is still beautiful. Dead or alive.
The black suit the mortician dressed him in complements his black hair and his pale, pale skin. His face is gorgeous; those long eyelashes, his sculpted cheeks and nose. Beautiful.
I still remember his last outfit.
White t-shirt. Navy blue jacket. Black jeans hugging his slim legs.
His bright smile.
His contagious laughter.
His lively energy.
I remember it all.
"I love you." I speak to Mark's unresponsive body.
"I miss you. So much." I cry again.
Dr. Choi has to escort me away from the casket.
I collapse on the floor as my feet give out. My sobs echo in the large church hall. Dr. Choi rubs my back as I cry for the hundredth time.
My eyes are sore. My head hurts. My heart is aching. My entire world is falling apart.
Mr. Tuan and Dr. Choi have to help me into a seat. The eulogies start as soon as my cries cease.
First, Mark's parents and siblings give their speeches.
They share childhood stories about Mark. How he was the kid that stood up for bullied kids; he was that kid to brighten your day; overall, he was a blessing to be born.
