8:20pm
I am exhausted.
I haven't slept in 5 days. My head is pounding.
Last night, I couldn't leave Mark.
He woke up again, screaming, twice last night. I was there to sooth him so the nurses wouldn't have to inject him with more sedatives.
Mark sleeps a lot now. He used to be so full of energy...I guess this is what happens when your body fails.
He hasn't woken up for today. I wish I could hear his voice.
"Jackson."
My head whips to the door of Mark's hospital room. It's Dr. Choi with a black blazer.
"Let's go for that drink."
"Two beers please." Dr. Choi slides a bill to the bartender. I place my hand on top of the bill and look the bartender in the eyes.
"One beer and the strongest drink you have." I correct the order.
"Yes sir." The bartender bows and goes off to retrieve our drinks.
"Look at you! Ha!" Dr. Choi laughs. "You need something for the stress, eh?"
"Yes. Yes I do." I rub my aching head.
After some small talk and the downing of two beers for Dr. Choi and three glasses of higly alcoholic drinks for me, I cut to the chase.
"What'd you want to talk about?"
Dr. Choi drinks the last sip of his beer.
"Let's take a walk."
We leave the bar and walk out into the chilly, spring air. My eyes fight to stay open as the wind hammers my body.
"Sit." Dr. Choi sits at a bus stop bench, he pats the space beside him.
I sit beside the man.
The city is dead. It's midnight, no one should really be out. It's just us two. Staring at the empty street as cold wind whisks against us.
"Two months."
The two words Dr. Choi says, makes my heart leap into my stomach.
"T-two months?" I turn to the the man still facing the road. Slowly, he turns to face me.
"He's gone, Jackson." Dr. Choi speaks grimly.
"Please don't say that." My lips shake.
"His brain is exhausted. You know a computer crashes when it's systems stop functioning. Same goes for Mark. His brain is crashing. Hence why he's been sleeping so much. His brain can't calculate how much energy it needs to put in to keep him awake. It's a lost cause."
"Add in his failing lungs, his already failed stomach, kidneys, pancreas, liver, I don't even understand how he is alive. Mark is breaking all scientific standards. He's a mystery. A scientific, medical mystery."
"But let me tell you this," Dr. Choi rests his hand on my knee. "Mark's heart is healthy. Probably the only organ that is still properly functioning."
"Maybe it's because he has your love and support. That's what keeps his heart so strong. You. You're keeping him alive. But logically speaking, two months is all he has."
Damn.
Damn it all.
I look up to the starry night. The stars twinkle in the dark blue, almost black sky.
"Two months until he becomes a star." I close my eyes as warm tears cascade down my cold face. Dr. Choi rubs my back as I cry quietly.
We return to the hospital a short while after that. Dr. Choi tells me to stay strong. I'm trying doc. I really am.
I struggle to walk as my tiredness begins to take the better of me. Once I get to Mark's room, I open the door.
I'm welcomed by the sight of Mark looking down at an object. He's finally awake.
"My sleeping beauty has awaken." I smile.
Mark smiles. Good Lord. That smile just takes all my worries away.
I move to his bed and sit on the somewhat soft material.
"It's so pretty." Mark smiles at the object in his hand.
The promise ring I gave him. The white, diamond ring.
"How much did it cost?" Mark looks at me.
"Love doesn't have a price." I caress his hair.
Mark's eyes water as he stares at me. His gaze is loving. I'm sure mine are the same.
Mark slides the ring back onto its assigned finger.
He places his hands on both of my cheeks and he kisses me. It's our first kiss of the new year.
Mark pinches my nose when he pulls away.
"Ow!" I complain.
"Bad Jackson!" Mark slaps my shoulder. "You were drinking!"
"No I wasn't." I chuckle as I lie.
Mark is very against alcohol and cigarettes. I will never smoke but alcohol is a must.
"Liar." Mark tackles me to the bed.
We laugh and play with each other. It livens up our night.
I missed this. Goofy Mark, funny Mark, energetic Mark. I missed this.
As we talk and laugh, I visibly see Mark getting tired. His eyes grow hazy and his head droops. Even though he was telling me an entire story, his sleepiness begins to prevail.
Dr. Choi was right. His brain has crashed.
"You have a new message." Mark points, lazily, to my phone that rests on the bedside table.
I check my phone. It's a message from my boss. He wants me back at work early tomorrow (or technically, today) to help configure another system. He says no one else can get it done like me.
The unfortunate charms of being a good worker.
"Go ahead." Mark smiles sleepily.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
I grab my coat and head for the door. I look back at Mark one more time.
"I'll still be here when you get back. Don't worry." Mark reassures me.
"Remember? I'll only go in your arms." Mark starts to drift to sleep.
I tuck him in and kiss his cheek. Please don't have another outburst tonight. Please sleep peacefully.
Please.
I'll be back.
And I hope you can greet me again.
