5:26pm
I haven't seen Mark in two days because of work.
A new business is moving to this area. They want to build a ten-story building and my job is to properly wire every room.
The company is in a haste to finish this building so, construction workers and electrical engineers are rushed without mercy.
I haven't slept in two days and I'm pretty sure my eyes haven't left a computer screen for the past hour.
Blueprints.
Wiring.
Programming systems.
Insulating walls.
I'm tired of work.
But I must work. For Mark. For his beautiful happiness.
"Hey Jacks." Someone grabs my shoulder. I jolt from the sudden contact.
"Didn't mean to scare ya." Namjoon chuckles as he sits beside me. "How's everything?"
"Not good." I type in another algorithm into the computer as I configure a cohesive system for the building to run electricity effectively. Exhausting work.
"Woah. You got this far by yourself? You should've gone Harvard, man!" Namjoon cheers for me.
My smartness is nothing I'm proud of. When you're locked in a room for 24 hours, the only way to escape is going to school, and that means you're stuck with books and education. Learning was fun and possibly the only interesting thing in my life.
No friends. Cruel family. And a mind mentally dark from depression, these are the contributors to my smartness.
I'm not proud.
"When you finish, you can go home. Boss said you're off for the rest of the week." Namjoon informs me.
Then, he's called by my other co-workers and off he goes.
Off for the rest of the week? I'm happy. I get to see Mark more.
"You look awful!" Dr. Choi laughs loudly in the white corridor of the hospital.
"Shut it." I hush the annoying, middle-aged man. My fingers rub circles into my aching temple and bags hang from my heavy eyes.
He chuckles.
"You need some rest."
"I need to see Mark."
Dr. Choi nods his head.
"I just did his check up. He's asleep." Dr. Choi points to the room down the hall, to the left.
"Thank you." I bow and I start to make my way to Mark's room. Dr. Choi grabs my arm.
"Tommorow night. Let's have a drink." Dr. Choi smiles.
"Why...all of a sudden..." I stare at him, obviously confused by the offer.
"It's about Mark." That's all he has to say.
"Okay." I gulp.
Dr. Choi smiles as he tells me goodnight.
"Get some rest, Jackson!" He stuffs his hands into his pockets and strolls down the hallway.
I watch his back disappear around a corner.
I wonder...what he wants to talk about.
Nevertheless, I make my way to Mark's room.
My ears are greeted by the heart monitor beside his bed and my eyes are greeted by the adorable sight of Mark sleeping.
He has a white sweater on. His black hair looks vibrant against the white pillow underneath it. Mark's hand lays on his stomach, on top of the white sheet covering his legs.
He truly does look like a goddess. An angel bathing in white.
An angel shrouded in pain.
Mark's eyebrows point down as his face contorts. His hand balls into a fist as a low whimper rumbles in his throat.
I watch as Mark tosses his head side to side as he grips the white sheets into the palm of his pale hands. His legs raise as a high-pitched whine erupts from his throat.
The heart monitor's beeps raise.
"Mark." I whisper his name and grab his trembling hand.
"It hurts." He cries in his sleep as he grabs my arms, weakly.
Mark curls his body into a ball, he doesn't let go of my arms.
A loud, pain laced scream erupts from Mark. The sound is deafening. It takes a piece of my soul because of how painful it sounds. The agony. The anguish.
A scream worst than those of women during childbirth.
I sit on Mark's bed and I lift his trembling body into my arms.
"I'm here." I hold Mark tightly. I rock him back and forth in my arms. He shivers as sweat dribbles down his chin.
Maybe it's a panic attack?
Maybe everything inside of him is failing?
Maybe he's on the verge of death?
I don't really know what it is but, once I hear him speak, it's enough for me to feel calm.
"You're here." Mark whispers.
"I'm here, Mark. I'm here." I kiss his forehead as I continue to rock him. He whimpers softly as he holds onto my jacket.
The heart monitor returns to its normal rhythm of heartbeats.
Mark goes back to sleep in my arms.
Nurses thank me for calming him. It happens about every night. Mark screaming from the top of his lungs and his panic attack.
Is it because I'm not there?
So, like how it's been this entire week, I stay up all night.
This time, I watch Mark all night. I admire his beauty and pray for more time. More time to make memories.
I just want to give him one last, special night before it's too late. Not in this hospital, in a place where he's happy.
Please God.
Give him more time.
