Heart & Sincerity

33/ A Kiss Goodbye (Again)

After their encounter at Pop's, Alice set up time to meet with Charles alone. She went to his office in the evening while her daughters were preoccupied with each other. She told them she was going to the Register. In which she did. She had Jughead's work printed and would be out as early as the following morning.

Charles entered his office with two glasses of water. He placed one in front of her. "I know we didn't expect to be introduced earlier today."

"I feel so terrible about lying to him, Charles."

"Don't look at it as lying. Think of it as one tiny detail not being told."

"It's a big secret, honey."

"We can tell him after. We just have to wait. It's too risky to do it now."

"I know but it's just been so long. It's been years, Charlie. I've had twenty five years to tell him but I didn't."

"You had your reasons, mom. It's okay."

"I hope he understands."

"The man is in love with you. He's definitely going to understand."

"What?"

"Well I saw the way he looked at you today. He adores you. I don't think he can be mad at you."

"You think so?"

"Has he done anything recently that answers that question?"

Alice thought about how he checked on her when she felt upset. How he didn't want her to leave. How he kissed her before she did leave. How he calls her to see if she was doing better. "I don't think I thought about it."

"Do you love him?"

"Me?"

"Are you in love with him? Because I think you are. You want to make sure he's doing well. You want to know if he's okay."

"I know I love your father but I always wondered if he loved me."

"Of course he does. I don't doubt it."

"It's always been complicated."

"That I believe."

"Let's just talk about the case," Alice changed the subject. She didn't want to think about FP. If she did she would feel the guilt he was telling her not to feel.

"Okay," Charles nodded. "What happened in your session with Edgar?"

Alice took a deep breath to relax. She recalled what happened.

Alice sat across from Edgar. She could hear the balls smacking against each other on his desk. She was taught to ignore the hypnosis so she wasn't worried about that but his words was what she was afraid of. What if he made her realize something she was afraid of confronting. She hid her feelings deep inside of herself. Every struggle. Every worry. Every bit of agony.

"He always needed me to be perfect. I didn't know if I could. He needed the perfect image. The perfect homecoming king and queen. The perfect high school sweethearts. The perfect wife. The perfect mother. The perfect everything. I don't know how I managed to satisfy him with all his needs of me. It's so much."

Edgar nodded along as he listened to her. He offered her some wisdom. She didn't need to be perfect if he truly loved her. "Alice, tell me about when you first realized you weren't happy with your husband."

Alice thought about how to answer the question. She didn't need to realize when she already knew Hal wasn't for her. "When I fell in love."

"You realized you weren't happy with him when you fell in love with him?"