Another World | ✔️

Chapter Nine

Trigger Warnings
Drugs

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I don't understand. My whole life, Connor never has a friend. He never brought anyone over, but now him and Evan are suddenly best friends. What's up with that? Did I not just see him push the poor kid over just Monday? He was so shaken up I was surprised he didn't go to Mr. Howard, but the next day he is sitting at our dinner table. Now, they're laughing together at the other side of the cafeteria.

"I see your brother has made a friend."

I had not yet realized that I was staring, and Bee's voice took me by surprise. Normally we avoid talking about Connor. Bee and the others know the pain he has put me through. Now, however, she seems eager to talk about him.

"Isn't that the senior who has a crush on you, Zoe?" Jaycie asks. I flinch at the words. Who cares if he has a crush on me? It's his crush, not mine, and I'm not sure I want any "friend" of Connor liking me. I don't know if I could ever trust them. It's just too risky.

"Zoe?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's Evan," I murmur. "Connor invited him over for dinner last night and he says he's going over the Friday. It's weird. I've never known of him having a friend other than his drug buddies, and they're not exactly what you would call friends."

"Maybe it's a good thing, Zoe," Bee says with a smile. "Maybe he's finally starting to change."

"I don't know," I say quietly. I want to believe it, but it seems unlikely. It's been several years since we've been close, and I rarely speak to him anymore. He's usually in his room and I'm usually in mine. It's like we're a million worlds apart. It's like I don't know anything.

Part of me hopes that Bee and Jaycie are right. It would be nice to have my brother back. Things get so lonely sometimes. Especially when Mom and Dad fight. It's like I don't have anyone. I never bring my friends over anymore. We always hang out at their house or at the mall or the movies. Never my house. They're fine with that too. They're more afraid of Connor than I am. I have that hope that he isn't so bad. They don't. They have no reason to. He's just their friend's brother.

Yet I treat their siblings like friends. If they are around, I'm kind to them. I ask them about their day. I try to get to know them. I've never had a friend try to be friendly with him. Sure, there's the occasional "hello" and "goodbye," but it's never more than that. It's kinda sad, really. He may not be the easiest person to get along with, but he's never done anything to them.

I sigh and shake my head. Maybe I should be glad he's finally found someone who will talk to him. Evan seems nice, after all.

Once again, I turn and look over my shoulder at Connor. For a moment I watch him, then he raises his head and glances at me. I feel myself start to panic, but he gives me a weak smile before he stands and makes his way out of the cafeteria.

Huh. . . Is he actually. . . Did he actually just smile at me?

As my shock wears off, I shakily stand, saying a quick goodbye to my friend, before racing out. Every instinct is telling me to stop, but I can't. I can see Connor not far ahead, walking slowly as he makes his way to his next class.

"Connor, wait!" I call, surprised when he turns and looks back at me. He looks just as confused as I am. I never speak to Connor at school. He gets out of my car in the morning and gets back in it in the evening, but few words are exchanged. Occasionally he will suggest stopping to get fast food or tell me to drop him off at the park, but that's about it. My answer is usually a simple nod.

"Is something wrong?" he asks. Of course that's his first reaction. I'm surprised that he would care if anything was wrong, but I guess there's no one around to snoop on our conversation. Maybe he only acts like he doesn't care. Or maybe he's just not high for once.

"No," I reply quickly. "I. . . I just. . ."

"Zoe?"

I shake my head, feeling my face grow hot. "N-Nevermind."

Before he can respond, I turn and run towards the bathroom. I can feel his gaze burning into me, but I don't turn around. I probably just ruined whatever chance I had to connect with him.

"Stupid. . . Stupid. . . What kind of sixteen year old is afraid of her brother. . ."

Trying to calm myself, I start humming a tune, taking shaky breaths. After a few moments pass, I am able to whisper the lyrics that I wrote myself.

"I could curl up and hide in my room
There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow
I could give in to all of the gloom
But tell me, tell me what for"

The words have a calming effect on me and I'm finally able to wipe the tears from eyes and wash my face. I look at my phone and see that lunch has almost ended. I only hope that no one will be able to recognize my glassy eyes and rosy cheeks.