Another World | ✔️

Chapter Thirty-Six

Trigger Warnings
Suicide
Depression
Divorce

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I don't know how long I'm asleep, but when I wake up it's just me and Mom in my room. I smile weakly at her as I spot her, but she's looking down at her phone and doesn't see.

"Hey, Mom. . ."

I see her eyes light up as she hears me. She immediately drops her phone and runs over. She hugs me tighter than Connor or Jared did. I can feel her shaking, and I'm surprised that she's not crying. I'm sure that if I wasn't still half-asleep I would be.

"Oh, Honey. . . I love you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up earlier. I-I came as soon as I woke up and by then you had already gone back to sleep."

"It's okay," I say quietly. "I had Connor. Jared came by too."

She pulls away, but still stays close, pulling a chair forward and sitting down beside me. "He was still here when I got here. He left not long after, but Connor stayed until Zoe came."

"You should've woke me."

"I couldn't. You looked so peaceful," she says quietly, rubbing my arm. "I'm just. . . I'm glad you're still here."

I frown as her smile waivers. As I start to speak, I feel myself breaking. "I-I'm sorry, Mom," I whisper. "I-I just. . . I couldn't. . . I thought. . ." It feels like my heart is breaking in pieces as I try to explain myself. "I-it hurts, Mom. . ."

"It's okay, it's okay," she whispers. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Please forgive me. . ."

"I'm not mad, Honey," she says. "I just wish I had known. I wish I had done something.

I close my eyes as she speaks, trying to pull myself together. She looks so tired and hurt, and it's all my fault. "I-I don't want to be a burden anymore," I say quietly. "I thought. . . I thought you would be happier."

"Evan. . . You're. . . You're the one good thing that has ever happened to me," she murmurs. "When I. . . When I saw. . . That was worse than any pain I've ever felt. Worse than giving birth. Worse than when your dad left. I thought I had lost my baby boy."

I'm silent again, struggling not to start crying harder. This makes twice. Twice I've tried. Twice I've almost broke my mother's heart. But still, she's right here beside me trying her best to make things right.

"Please don't leave me," she continues. "Please don't ever do that to me. I don't think I could survive losing you."

"I-I'm sorry," I manage to choke out, struggling to sit up so that I can hug her. She helps me up and squeezes me tight once again. I manage to pull myself up enough to bury my face in her shoulder. We stay there until I can't hold myself up any longer and I half-lower myself, half-fall onto the bed.

We soon slip into a comfortable silence. Mom is still rubbing my arm, careful not to disturb the IV that I'm still hooked to. Part of me still wishes that she hadn't found me. That it would've been too late and I could finally be at piece. Another part of me, though, is grateful. Not everyone gets another chance, and I guess that must mean something.

"Wh-when do I get to go home," I ask quietly, breaking the silence.

"I don't know, Evan. You. . . We almost lost you. You're not strong enough yet, and they'll want to keep an eye on you for another day or two at least."

I sigh and close my eyes, wishing that this bed was as comfortable as the one I have at home. "If. . . If you need to go I'll understand."

"I'm staying here with you," Mom says sternly. "I'm not leaving you alone. Not yet. They let me off work with pay this week and I just want to spend that time with you. I'll go home when you go home."

"Thanks, Mom. . ."

We fall silent again, and I twist in the bed to face her. My eyes feel heavy, and I know before long I'll be asleep again. I guess it's a combination of the pills still not having worn off and the medicine they've used to keep me alive that's made me so drowsy. I shouldn't complain. When I'm asleep, at least, I don't have to fight the voices in my head.

"Get some rest," Mom says quietly. "You need it."

I yawn slightly. Instead of replying, I raise my hand and gently place it on hers. I smile a bit as I close my eyes, feeling warmth from her presence. I can hear her singing softly as I drift off to sleep.

"When it all feels so big
'Til it all feels so small
When it all feels so big
'Til it all feels so small."